lets begin at the end

well I originally had quite a different picture I was going to use but in view of my last post and a chat with my lovely Let’s CUT the Crap! I have decided to do this now instead and so let’s begin

at the end

mr edgar allen poe on his death in his coffin a great loss to the world of literature

mr edgar allen poe on his death in his coffin a great loss to the world of literature

Poe is buried in the Old Western Burial Ground in Baltimore, Maryland. Every January 19, Poe’s birthday, for more than fifty years a man dressed in black and fedora has left cognac accompanied by three red roses on Poe’s grave.

An account by Hervey Allen, August 1927:

[Poe] traveled by steamer to Baltimore and arrived there on September twentyninth. Exactly what happened to him in that city cannot now be ascertained. An election was in progress, and the preponderance of evidence points to the fact that he began to drink and fell into the hands of a gang of repeaters who probably gave him drugged liquor and voted him. On October third he was found by Dr. James E. Snodgrass, an old friend, in a, horrible condition at a low tavern in Lombard Street. Summoning a relative of Poe, Dr. Snodgrass had the now unconscious and dying poet taken in a carriage to the Washington Hospital and put into the care of Dr. J. J. Moran, the resident physician. Several days of delirium ensued with only a few intervals of partial consciousness. He called repeatedly for one "Reynolds," and gave vent to every indication of utter despair. Finally on Sunday morning, October 7, 1849, "He became quiet and seemed to rest for a short time. Then, gently, moving his head, he said, 'Lord help my poor soul.'" As he had lived so he died--in great misery and tragedy.

how awful that one of life’s great characters has gone in such a drastic way. now then to a short summary of his life;

the life of Mr Edgar Allen Poe

Edgar Poe was born in Boston on January 19, 1809. His parents were David and Elizabeth Poe. David was born in Baltimore on July 18, 1784. Elizabeth Arnold came to the U.S. from England in 1796 and married David Poe after her first husband died in 1805. They had three children, Henry, Edgar, and Rosalie.

Elizabeth Poe died in 1811, when Edgar was 2 years old. She had separated from her husband and had taken her three kids with her. Henry went to live with his grandparents while Edgar was adopted by Mr. and Mrs. John Allan and Rosalie was taken in by another family. John Allan was a successful merchant, so Edgar grew up in good surroundings and went to good schools.

When Poe was 6, he went to school in England for 5 years. He learned Latin and French, as well as math and history. He later returned to school in America and continued his studies. Edgar Allan went to the University of Virginia in 1826. He was 17. Even though John Allan had plenty of money, he only gave Edgar about a third of what he needed. Although Edgar had done well in Latin and French, he started to drink heavily and quickly became in debt. He had to quit school less than a year later.

Edgar Allan had no money, no job skills, and had been shunned by John Allan. Edgar went to Boston and joined the U.S. Army in 1827. He was 18. He did reasonably well in the Army and attained the rank of sergeant major. In 1829, Mrs. Allan died and John Allan tried to be friendly towards Edgar and signed Edgar’s application to West Point.

While waiting to enter West Point, Edgar lived with his grandmother and his aunt, Mrs. Clemm. Also living there was his brother, Henry, and young cousin, Virginia. In 1830, Edgar Allan entered West Point as a cadet. He didn’t stay long because John Allan refused to send him any money. It is thought that Edgar purposely broke the rules and ignored his duties so he would be dismissed.

In 1831, Edgar Allan Poe went to New York City where he had some of his poetry published. He submitted stories to a number of magazines and they were all rejected. Poe had no friends, no job, and was in financial trouble. He sent a letter to John Allan begging for help but none came. John Allan died in 1834 and did not mention Edgar in his will.

In 1835, Edgar got a job as an editor of a newspaper because of a contest he won with his story, “The Manuscript Found in a Bottle“. Edgar missed Mrs. Clemm and Virginia and brought them to Richmond to live with him. In 1836, Edgar married his cousin, Virginia.

Sometime in 1840, Edgar Poe joined George R. Graham as an editor for Graham’s Magazine. During the two years that Poe worked for Graham’s, he published his first detective story, “The Murders in the Rue Morgue” and challenged readers to send in cryptograms, which he always solved.  Poe left Graham’s in 1842 because he wanted to start his own magazine but his efforts failed.

In 1845, Edgar Poe became an editor at The Broadway Journal. A year later, the Journal ran out of money . He and his family moved to a small cottage near what is now East 192nd Street. Virginia’s health was fading away and Edgar was deeply distressed by it. Virginia died in 1847, 10 days after Edgar’s birthday.

In June of 1849, Poe left New York and went to Philadelphia, where he visited his friend John Sartain. Poe left Philadelphia in July and came to Richmond. He stayed at the Swan Tavern Hotel but joined “The Sons of Temperance” in an effort to stop drinking. He renewed a boyhood romance with Sarah Royster Shelton and planned to marry her in October.

On September 27, Poe left Richmond for New York. He went to Philadelphia and stayed with a friend; James P. Moss. On September 30, he meant to go to New York but supposedly took the wrong train to Baltimore. On October 3, Poe was taken to the hospital. He lapsed in and out of consciousness . Edgar Allan Poe died in the hospital.



and so there we have it such is his life and how we see that he had a good education far better than most got at that time and how lucky he was to have been adopted by a good family and yet it guaranteed nothing, no amount of education saved him from the bottle and in a sense many would say his drinking lead to his death although we cannot actually place ourselves in his shoes and then narrate the circumstances of his last few days but it could be said that if he hadn’t of relied so heavily on alcohol then he may have followed quite a different path. In my honest opinion I think he died of a broken heart, sounds romantic doesn’t it? but in reality it is far from it; in reality the pain suffered when losing a loved one eclipses all else and destroys the ability to think properly, each day lurches into the next everything tainted by the deepest pain, a real physical pain that grabs the gut and twists without mercy and the heavy agony that grips the throat and tears it sandpaper like and squeezes the air from your lungs, – some think they are lucky that they never feel this sheer, intense pain but then I often feel that those who have never loved have never lived and no matter how hard this pain hits you I would rather have lived with knowing such love in my life than to not have known this feeling.

love and peace be with you all and give your loved ones an extra hug for just being there and bringing love into your life.



The Raven

now I am not big on halloween, this may sound odd to anyone who knew my family, my mother was a practising witch along with other talents such as tarot reading etc, she never made a great deal of money at it if anything she died penniless and unhappy but for those who know me in my day to day life they always expect that thanks to my rather strange upbringing -mother was a full on pagan and practised everything from devil worship to spiritualism if it was a little out there she would generally chase it, suffice it to say the ‘family’ home was covered in huge paintings of various demons and the floors had pentagrams and magic circles surrounded with candles this didn’t really mesh well with northern middle class suburban england but then mother didn’t mesh well with anything or anyone, except perhaps maybe the devil ^_^, to be honest it just used to annoy me more than anything i never really brought anyone back to my home because those friends i did manage to make would never have understood and i much preferred being away from home anyway. From a young age around 13 I regularly either ran away or just stayed round friends until they got sick of me by 15 i had met my first husband and life went its own way then, now my mother as you can imagine became somewhat famous around our local community and i not only got used to being spoken to as ‘Maries’ daughter -it was like i never had a name of my own just Maries daughter- to everyone saying ‘ooh i bet you are looking forward to halloween’

well no actually I wasn’t

i always wanted to be my own person and to not be lumped in with my mother and it took many years before i would even mention her to anyone who had only known me and not my family. It’s hard enough living under the shadow of someone so controversial but to meet the rest of my family well lets say we surpassed the Adams family with both character and nefarious deed.

as I said from around 14 to 15 i was becoming my own person and was free of the restraints of my drugged up gypsy mother and my Victorian middle class free mason father and i left them all behind as far as i could i traveled to many places though the first husband was as annoying as the family i still felt happier just being away from the family.

eventually around ten years later i was so heartily sick of the first husband and indeed constantly travelling i came back to this tiny town and scary as it was i knew the town itself was beautiful and a safe place to bring children up in. As it happens life took charge once again and within moments of returning my second husband happened along with four kids a mortgage and here we are now twenty six years later and i still don’t like halloween

to me if it was a night when those who practiced witch craft or the dark arts were allowed to celebrate their life styles then you know i probably wouldn’t mind it so much but it isn’t that at all is it? nope and nope again it has become like quite a lot of things these days; nothing more than a glut of commercialization and consumerism, children are encouraged to go out and knock on strangers doors in what i call begging- because lets face it if you knock on someones door asking for food then you are begging, and that’s before we go down the road of sending innocent children to strangers houses and there are still urban legends of sweets being laced with all sorts of drugs i shudder with the whole idea.

there is also the idea that apparently i should love the this particular glutfest because i like writing horror stories, hmmm now i have always maintained that i am the most contradictory person you will ever meet so yes i love horror, i write horror, i watch only horror films, but i do not like halloween.

you know whats worse than this though? halloween is also my oldest daughters birthday and every year it gets hijacked with people dressed in stunningly awful costumes who drunkenly justify their inappropriate and ridiculous actions with the idea that ‘hey it’s halloween- let’s all crash the quiet house near the woods and unwittingly cause the old couple who live there quietly heart attacks and costly damage to their home’ although i don’t think their actual conversations go anything like that i think giggling swearing and .alcohol mixed with weed and whatever other substances the youth of today get their hands on in an effort to show the even younger ones how cool a role model they are and basically make up a conversation of ‘hey um we’re bored um what s to do um yeah that house lets go there, as so the cycle continues.

so there you go there is no witches, no pumpkins, no skeletons, at my house i do have one bowl which contains pre -made little bags of haribo and should anyone call on that night they will be given one little bag each and that’s it, the rest of the night is devoted to my oldest and helping her have a lovely night

although last year my second daughter  did come up with what i do think is a brilliant idea and that is we buy a pumpkin but it is not carved at all but set upon and altar of red velvet and each child that knocked on our door begging for sweets would be made to worship the pumpkin first, once they had bowed and said worshipful words to the great pumpkin then we would bestow upon them the one tiny bag of haribo i may even see if i can find the sour fizzy haribo ^_^

but be that as it may i still love a damn good poem and so here is The Raven as spoken by the rather excellent Christopher Lee

have a super excellent time no matter how you choose to spend it (but if you come knocking at my door be prepared to worship the great pumpkin)

love and peace to all



edgar allen poe

as promised here are the links i found to Mr Poe, again i haven’t actually had chance to check them out i am just listening to Mr Lovecraft first (and i must say it is jolly good!) these as far as i am aware are all audio books and free so go ahead enjoy and let me know if any links don’t work

Poe 1

Poe 2

Poe 3

Poe 4

Poe 5

hope you all enjoy these classics

love and peace to all



another great find!

well this is a jolly good find i just had to share this is the whole -as far as i am aware i haven’t actually tested it out yet i am just about too but it was so good i had to share with you all straight away ^_^ -so back to the share it is the whole of call of cthulhu(how the heck does one pronounce that? ) read by garrick hagon i love listening to book readings its nice to lie back and pop the headphones on and have someone tell you a story and this one for all those HP lovecraft fans out there this is a classic ^_^ for those of you who prefer edgar allen poe i have i think found a link for him also just give me a minute and i will pop it up,

for now i present to you lovely friends H P Lovecraft Call of Cthulhu;-




adorable ^_^

a big thank you to my lovely mims for showing me this one and it is just so adorable i had to share with you all ^_^

have a listen and i am sure you will love it too ^_^

love and peace to all



picture for today 21/10/14

heartbreakingly sad pripyat and a lesson learned?

heartbreakingly sad
pripyat and a lesson learned?

today’s picture breaks my heart every time i see it. To see such a picture in any circumstance would be sad but to know this is a picture of Pripyat and therefor yet another example of how the species of mankind can get it so devastatingly wrong sometimes just turns my heart over and rips it to shreds. It is pictures like this that make me force myself to find some good in the human race because there has to be balance for all the wrong, there has to be even a glimmer of right and it is when i find that one piece of good that i can relax. Many years ago before i had children i was often known to say i did not want to bring children into a world such as this; back then it was the eighties and it was often a sorry and soul destroying decade, growing up in the shadow of the IRA troubles and the sheer panic that sets in when faced with either being bombed by them or a nuclear war which was also a  threat that  forever darkened my already miserable childhood and i felt angry with the world, with mankind, but you know one day i was talking with someone older and wiser than i was and they said that they not only thought i would make a good mam but supposing the child i gave birth too was the next Ghandi or the next Mother Theresa and through talking with that kind and wise person i was helped to see that for all the wrong in the world beautiful children are born all the time and each one has the potential to save life and to improve life not just for themselves but for many perhaps even the whole world, and so the beauty and miracle of having children was restored to me and i am forever grateful to that one wonderful person whether my children grow up to be hair dressers, actors, lawyers, it doesn’t matter for each of them is their own miracle and i would not want my life any other way.

so lets look at the official background for pripyat and i for one pray that we use the experience of Pripyat and learn from it.

As you Reap….. (now with bonus image added)

Kezia Lee Mintra:

oh my this is brilliant turns out in response to my post i have a friend who has actually visited and has the most excellent pictures on his blog so reblogged for you all andrew and his visit and excellent pictures, enjoy-

Originally posted on All downhill from here:

About 14 months ago we had a short break in Siem Reap in Cambodia, temple bashing. At one stage I did know the order in which we visited the temples but now they are just a blur and a lot of DNGs in my Lightroom catalogue. Occasionally I go back, review, delete a few and wonder, hmmm, I wonder what the would like if I processed it. Perhaps my PP skills have moved on in the last 14 months. Maybe not. And of course, Reap may not be pronounced Reep but Ray-app, which is what I heard at the airport. It could be one of those cunning foreign names designed to trip up unsuspecting aliens. Like Phuket, which before you get agitated is Poo-kett. So there.

To get to the point, as they used to say on Blue Peter, here’s one I made earlier.

Golden light

You can tell that…

View original 257 more words

okay time for another picture from my bulging folders on this poor laptop picture for today 12/10/14

Ta Prom a rather fabulous place that looks like it is from some old black and white sci-fi film set but it's real! yup i know right ^_^

Ta Prohm a rather fabulous place that looks like it is from some old black and white sci-fi film set but it’s real!
yup i know right ^_^

So how gorgeous is this? or one could use the word amazing, it seriously looks like you have stumbled onto some fifties black and white science fiction film set, its like you could imagine some guy shouting ‘cut’ or berating some poor girl for not giving enough ‘depth’ or ‘emotion’ as she is eaten by some badly built monster whose clockwork insides threaten to spew cogs over the guys with huge clunky cameras, I love old black and white films, I could spend all day watching them especially if it is raining and dark outside, the more stormy the weather the more I want to snuggle up and watch old films.

Yet this place is real and oh my I would absolutely love to go visit it someday – yes I know I have entered the realms of fantasy once again but I can dream, and should I ever win the lottery or who knows maybe one day my books will sell in huge amounts ^_^ then here is on top of the list of places I have to go visit, well no actually the Maldives is number one it is possibly the one place I would simply have to go but you know right after the Maldives I shall go here then probably back to the Maldives hmm think I need enough money to simply set up home in the Maldives and visit everywhere from there ^_^ now that is a fantasy worth having.

so let’s have some background as to what and where this place really is

The octopus-like roots of a tree grow over a building entrance just before the inner moat at Angkor’s Ta Prohm site.

Ta Prohm was built as a double-moated, royal monastery during the reign of Jayavarman VII at the end of the twelfth century. As a Mahayana Buddhist, the king dedicated the monument to his mother envisioned as a “bodhisattva” or saint of compassion. The images of Buddha himself were removed from the temple by Jayavarman VII’s successor, Jayavarman VIII, who was a Hindu.

When French explorers first discovered the overgrown buildings at the ancient capital of Angkor in the late 1800s, much of the area was completely covered by forest. In particular, the roots of strangler figs, kapok, and banyan trees aggressively encompassed the Angkor structures.

This small site was deliberately left unconserved by French archaeologists to create a sharp contrast with their painstaking reconstruction of the temples in the Angkor Wat complex. At present, the temple is only conserved to prevent further building collapses and to clear passage for visitors. Even these two goals require considerable labor and forest management.


there are some fabulous pictures out there so now you know what to look for go and have a look about, this place has a lot more to it and the pictures are amazing! I love history and I adore ancient history, there is so much that has gone before that we know nothing about, in another life I am quite sure I am an archeologist- that would have been such a fabulous job, and we are indebted to the hard work of these people and also to conservationists who work tirelessly and compassionately to help preserve these ancient wonders each day through these and other people new discoveries are made and are often astounding, and I feel it helps to feel more connected to our roots as human beings to see and wonder at these marvels, just as science especially physics one of my fave subjects shows us the future so the work of archeologists and others shows us the past and it is all part of us where we have come from and where we are going to. The past has many secrets to share with us yet and I find it exciting and wait with baited breath for each new discovery.

love and peace be with you all



back again

so sorry my wonderful friends i have been so poorly the last attack was the worst i have had and i am still wiped out from it but slowly getting to a point where i am at least able to focus and so hi everyone hope everyone has been enjoying good times and i shall share with you now some beautiful women dancing and looking gorgeous from 1973 ^_^

for those who are interested i did manage to start college but have been so ill i didn’t manage to attend these last two weeks hopefully the tutors have been compassionate enough to let me carry on with the course i can only cross my fingers at this point and hope i haven’t missed too much. The course has been quite enlightening for the time i have managed to attend and has how can i put this erm it sort of blew me away at first and it soon became quite clear that it was not going to be what i had expected, for those of you new to my blog hi and welcome and the course i am trying to do is counselling with a view to specializing in counselling for the bereaved, so first of all i had the wrong idea of what would be expected of me i had gone in with all these lovely thoughts of how i would help people who were undergoing the very difficult experience of grief and though i knew it would be difficult and i knew i would suffer because i do tend to be ‘soft’ as my husband puts it. i thought my main problems would be learning how not to take my ‘work’ home with me or how to toughen up and not cry  etc but nooooo turns out that’s nothing that’s expected and its small fry compared to what actually happens. So within the first week i stumble out of college thinking what the hell have i taken on, not worried about the academic side although it is daunting, not worried about me being too soft although it is a fact, nope and nope again the biggest head blown massive anxiety attack inducing problem? i shall tell you dear friend – i have to undergo mandatory counselling myself.

Did you read that? did it actually worry you? if the answer is no then great you either had a wonderful life and never had any awful experiences which is fantastic or you had experiences and have coped well and have carried on well adjusted and able to cope well with life, or

if you read it and felt immediate shock and indeed horror then you are like me and panicked, you see i automatically panic because there are so many damn experiences in my life i wouldn’t know where to start,.*sigh* my life is basically a psychotherapists dream; enough work to keep them employed for life plus a few damn good books and a major film deal and that’s all before i achieved adult hood, from there it simply became more repetitive.

That first week i had to seriously sit down and have a major think about it all and so in the end after much sleep lost and too much head space being taken up with the thinking and the resulting nightmares that obligingly happen each time i am forced to remember any of it i finally decided i would see this course through; it is only 24 weeks long and between the end of this one and when the next one starts i would sit and have another think about how i carry on or if i carry on.

Now dear friend do not get me wrong i can see where they are coming from, it is plainly obvious that if i am to help others and the way to help them is to help them find a way of them helping themselves ,if you follow me, then part of that is the idea that they would talk to me and open up to me and through this the way forward would be found, see the key issue there is they would open up to me. Now how can i expect them to open up to me if i am not only still refusing to deal with my own demons but i will not open up to anyone else about me having demons in the first place.

All those lovely ideas of me listening to people and being there for them have vanished and are replaced with the idea i now have to open up to a group of people i do not know and tell them stuff i won’t even talk to my best friend about.

There have been various times in my life where i either was suddenly forced into having a therapist/counsellor or ‘advised’ to have one and each time i stubbornly rebelled, refused and well walked out and that was the end of that. I always thought it just made the problem worse i never saw how talking about something did any good, even those others i saw of my friends going to counselling always seemed much worse when they came out of it and just made me absolutely sure it was the devils work.

There was just one time, the very last time and it wasn’t even for myself really though i was offered it, but a couple of years ago (for those who wish to ready more about i have written as much as i could about the experience in the getting to know me sections of this blog) after going through a most horrendous bereavement as a family my second daughter was given grief counselling and the lady who became our counsellor was amazing, a brilliant lady who helped me to see that not all counsellors were the spawn of the devil and some in fact were quite nice ^_^ so that was me inspired and wanting to be a grief counsellor. Fast forward to today and i am dreading going to college this week but i will force myself and gritting my teeth and biting my tongue i shall hopefully emerge unscathed and well enough to write another blog post until then i shall leave you now while i go find a picture to share with you all

love and peace to all



some news and a picture 05/09/14

helloooooo friends ^_^ i am a little excited today, today i went and managed to enrol at college finally able to achieve one of my life goals – to study counselling with the aim of becoming a bereavement counsellor, so yup today i took children to school and popped in the college and was able to find the right course and tutor and enroll and even though it was only three years ago i gained my diploma there things had changed quite a lot! This time around i found it even more approachable and friendly and welcoming and they even have finance options available which helped me a lot it costs a lot of money to follow the course of study i want but they were fabulous and helped me all the way so on the 17th of september i officially start my studies woohoo ! Luckily my diploma came in very handy as they were able to start me at a higher level so i was entered straight in a grade three which in real terms means i had just saved about two years of study, so glad my diploma was actually useful for once !  for those wanting to understand the background of my choice of study you can read about it here

why i want to become a bereavement counsellor

i warn you though it’s not nice, some things in life are just crap and all we can do is deal with them


so the kids are back at school i am back at college and i am still working on the end of my latest book life goes on ^_^

now hows about a picture for today ^_

so beautiful

so beautiful

this picture is hauntingly beautiful the girl looks so serene and one can almost fancy she looks happy peaceful yet she is someone many of you may well have not only met her exact likeness but may even have kissed her!

some background ;-

Her enigmatic smile is known to millions around the world and she has been kissed billions of times.

This is the face behind first-aid mannequin Rescue Annie.

But behind her peaceful expression lies a story shrouded in rumours of heartbreak and tragedy.

For the beautiful face used as the model for medical workers learning how to give the ‘kiss of life’ is also known as ‘L’Inconnue de la Seine’ – or ‘the unknown woman from the Seine’.

According to popular myth, at the end of the 19th century, a young girl’s lifeless body was pulled from Paris’s Quai François Mitterrand, which was then called Quai du Louvre.

As no signs of violence could be found on her, it was decided she had committed suicide, with some stories suggesting it was a case of unrequited love that prompted her death.

Because no one could identify her, a plaster mask of her face was made and hung outside a shop door.

Her delicate beauty became popular with artists and writers, who fabricated stories about the cause of her suicide.

Generations later she was still inspiring those fascinated by her mysterious story, and a practical – and life-saving – use was found for her fair visage.

According to his company website Asmund Laerdal, the founder of Laerdal Medical, based in Stavanger, Norway, became a pioneer for making resuscitation aids out of soft plastic.

A user of CPR, in the 1950s he developed Resusci Annie, otherwise known as Rescue Annie, a life-like mannequin used to train people in mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

His website says he was so moved by the unknown woman’s tragic background, he adopted her mask for his first-aid doll.

He was convinced that if a mannequin was life-like, students would be determined to learn the lifesaving procedure.

Millions have been taught how to breathe life into the face of the girl who is believed to have taken her own, making her the most kissed girl in the world.


So sad to be so well known and yet have nothing of your own life no details not even a name to be known by, i wonder should there become any recognition of the idea of a continued existence after death, i know not many would hold with such an idea but humour me for a moment and imagine along with me her beautiful face watching the years go by and seeing how from her lonely and tragic death leads to her becoming an essential part of something used the world over to help save lives, how odd it would seem to her to watch so many people around the world, see her face, kiss her lips and perhaps the most poignant; to practice how to save a life on her likeness yet none could actually save her. Had she been a victim of unrequited love? had she dreamed of, or longed for one small kiss and yet over many years and from many different people she becomes the most kissed woman in history, would she think fate cruel? ironic? or would she still wear that beautiful smile and that serene peaceful expression. I hope so, I hope she would appreciate that her beautiful smile inspired someone to produce an essentially life saving piece of equipment and that even though her own life ended so tragically her beautiful serene face helped save many lives.

love and peace be with you all






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