good morning my wonderful friends, for those of you in england or anywhere that has a bank holiday today have a super bank holiday and for the others simply have a super day ^_^
i am happy in that the day has been rainy since the start and i love rainy days ^_^
but on to the post for today
ok a short while ago, march this year, my world was devastated again, those who know me will know already the devastation my family and i suffered at losing the two little girls who were part of our family to a terrible house fire some years ago, and one would hope that such suffering would never happen but it does and i even hoped i would never again feel such a painful loss but life doesn’t work that way does it
in march a friend whom i had known and loved from around the age of 16 died of cancer and once again i was devastated, though my pain will have been nowhere near the pain her beautiful children went through and still go through, and normally i wouldn’t write about such a loss, i normally consider such situations as private and tend not share, especially when the pain and grief is still so raw.
j. was a wonderful mum, she brought four amazing children into the world and i have found a wonderful and deep connection with one of these beautiful souls, j. was a beautiful soul in every way and left the world with four amazing people that she had born and nurtured and each one is just the sweetest kindest and most beautiful soul, i was already lucky in knowing the oldest -whom we also welcome to our little wordpress family she has just begun a blog here and in a future post i will share blog name so those of you who wish to do so can follow her i know she will produce a lovely blog and i am looking forward to seeing her work, but it is in the second of those beautiful souls i have found the deepest connection.
a day or two ago he asked me to name a few tunes that i knew she liked and meant something to her and i promised i would and so this post is for him.
J. and i were the best of friends throughout the 80’s though it seems so odd to think of it that way, neither of us were typical 80’s kids though we went through our teens and early twenties throughout this period, she was the first ever girl crush i had and i loved her, i was in awe of her and as some of you may know i had come from such a difficult background and had no idea about the world or my place in it.
j. taught me about the world, about politics, about social awareness, about my rights as a person- honestly never knew i had any remember i came from hell on earth where i was continually told not to complain talk or even think of my body as my own because it wasn’t – it belonged to my creator and no this was not a religious thing it was an abuse thing and that is as far a i go on that subject, suffice it to say this amazing new friend j. that i had found taught me that all i had known was so very wrong and that there was much wrong in the world and we should stand up for what was right, we went to protests, we connected with many people also standing up, we hitch hiked all over england together and we lived laughed and debated our way through an intensely political and drug filled scene while others was listening to um i don’t know um micheal jackson?
you see back then just about all our music was dictated by our beliefs so here in no particular order is for my wonderful and much loved f. a definitive list of music i discovered through j. and it shaped and belonged and defined the era her and i spent together, which for some reason in my mind was as much a summer of love as 67 was to the older generation before us, to j. and i the sun was always shining and it felt like that even when it rained, we went to many glastonbury adventures together and here a slight hint as to how old i am i remember the first one i went to it was still a free festival the next year we went they charged us £5 to get in and we all complained ^_^
for j., for f, for my lost youth ^_^
what can i say the story of joy division and its main man is one of pain and tragedy and as soon as i heard it i was transfixed, seemed like nothing else had ever come so close to the words in my head at that time, but there was more at the time j. helped me to see that music as more than just a catchy beat something nice to be listened to, it could have meaning it could say something, it could have depth, don’t get me wrong i still love a deep bass
oh my so no list of tunes for j. could ever be missing the smiths she adored them, she adored morrisey, i hated them both ^_^ oh the wonderful heated discussions we had on long nights of getting stoned and the merits of whether meat was murder and why/why not morrisey was the best thing since sliced bread its times like that i miss, i miss you j. and i miss winding you up about morrissey you know i never thought he was that bad i just couldn’t stand his singing oh , my , god , so whiney the only person i ever came across who not only sang about complaining but actually sounded like whinging as he sang quite a talent really
now this one i had to agree with j. on echo yup yup and yup and you know they were fab back then but recently i saw on youtube an unplugged session with just him and he was really good, i shared this tune because it was j.s favorite but the next tune was my fave echo tune
play it really loud ^_^
this one i include because i although i was not altogether keen i would listen to it but really this influence came from a young man whom j. fell wildly in love with and i still say he was the one real love of her life though life moved on and so did we this one man and by default this tune still represents a certain time and feeling for her and if she were here i know she would quietly nod and smile a small smile that held a certain pain behind it
well this tune will always give one particular memory ^_^ we went to glastonbury and the main motivation, as well as the idea that it was just brilliant and had become a yearly ritual, but this year the cure was on and we stood in the mud up to our thighs-no joke it was really that deep in some places i lost my shoe because the mud sucked it off my foot and was so deep i never saw it again! the rain pelted down and somehow i ended up under a large piece of tarpaulin some people were holding up and they invited me under to watch the cure and i gladly joined them, not sure but i think j. had made her way up front and brilliant though it was we all held the moment dearly but some people threw mud on the stage and the cure weren’t happy threats to walk were made but by that time i was lost to the moment and whatever drugs i had taken at the time think it was acid i remember smiley mushroom acid being rather popular but also tiny tiny things called microdots which were very strong acid ahh well was a good year just don’t ask me what happened after that because i don’t know its all a swirl of colours n stuff ^_^
this makes the list because we always listened to it when tripping , only the first two albums were played after losing syd barrett it was thought and i still think that the floyd were no longer, syd was the genius
this one makes it because again it was another tripping tune, we did a lot of that ^_^
now this one i had to put but more as a point of let’s just say in jest, mild jest, a private moment between j. and i ^_^ we had a mutual friend who loved this to pieces and he would play non stop the twelve inch version ahhh takes me back that does
now this was just loved by all us in our little gang back then wonder how many us are left,
always on at parties or should i say when we all got stoned in our bedsit and called it a party ^_^
oh my what can i say i still love this and i insist you play it really loud ^_^
i always have to follow with this one it is one of my top all time faves
ahh god alternative and indie and as political and serious as we were back then j. and i would still have a tiny private moment of swooning over these ^_^ don’t tell anyone though we would never have admitted to it ^_^
and now for something we would listen to when the sun came out ^_^ admittedly rock lobster got played more but i loved this so its this that makes the list ^_^
ok this one had to make the list because in the height of our political awareness crass were a driving force, and along with their albums i always remember one particular poster – one of the few my first husband would let adorn the walls of our bedsit – was a very stark black and white picture of a child’s dismembered and dark and decomposing hand caught on barbed wire, quite startling and never failed to bring home the message, and well the talk of anti war CND and many other deeply political discussions fueled by speed and weed would go on deep into the night, and in the end after a few years of thi around the age f twenty i think or twenty one i became a little disillusioned and i wouldn’t take any of the drugs apart from smoking weed as i would look around and just see us for what we were; a bunch of teens sat in our bedsits; talk talk talk no action, i saw us as armchair philosophers getting stoned and sorting the worlds problems out yet it was all talk and by then i wanted out and so i did, my first husband and i left the whole thing behind and started to travel the world and that as they say is another story for another time
this one was included in this list because i have to say that for all our adventures we did spend a heck of a lot of time sat n our bedsit off our heads on acid and stoned so much i would often ‘whitey’ a term used to describe when so stoned i would try to get up from the chair and go all dizzy and faint clean out, i was quite rubbish at the whole party scene ^_^ and so at the time well this was played on repeat i think ^_^ seems it went with any drug at the time but for stoned music it couldn’t be beat
ahh the album with the banana how many late nights would be followed by seeing the sun come up and it was always accompanied by this, somehow by the time it reached that point in the night where you knew there was no point in even trying to sleep might as well listen to this then hit the shops for munchies
ok i can hear j. almost groan under her breath with this one god love her she never outright ever told me i was too much but for all the times she would play me the smiths and make me listen to the lyrics i would subject her to this; frank zappa was simply my first love of a guitar genius and this one my fave track and still is followed closely by gumbo variations but his lyrics lets say were a little controversial and often would just shock j. and yes i admit i didn’t even like his lyrics but his guitar playing his composition true genius
sorry had to just take a wee break and let mr zappa carry me off on a haze of guitar wonder there
this one makes the list because as i said we spent an awful lot of time stoned and chilling and this was one of the regular tunes that would be played not my fave of the time but it was the one requested most, for some background to this statement let me just describe a little although we all had our own little bedsits often the main part of our gang would meet and generally stay round the bedsit my first husband and i had it was one of the larger ones and so had room for enough seating for everyone and we had a rather large collection of albums our music tastes were quite varied and we loved to buy albums i think more of my money went on music than on clothes, we also had the best sound system the first husband was very much a sound and music expert or at least he thought he was, but it meant that our place became a natural gathering area simply because it was somewhere you could get stoned and listen to good music.
janis was a great discovery and still remains a very strong favorite of today but anyone who knew j. would see this was an obvious choice not only did janis encompass the whole idea of a woman breaking through adversity and conquering but had the most amazing voice
nina was someone that i didnt realise at first was part of the group of women J. admired i just remember going round to her place one day and she had baked the most delicious choclate cake-j. was very good at making choclate cakes! and i chatted to her as she was in the very tiny kitchen and i started listening to what was playing and loved it and then she told me about who nina simone was and from then nina remains again another strong favorite,
the whole album of this i think was more or less on repeat throughout all those years
ok the list could grow ever longer because we spent a few years together but i am sticking to only those that made a significant impact and was therefore played many times and became the sound of the tapestry that we wove at the time i know there are even others i will remember and think oh know i should have included that but for now i will play the last one i have saved because this one was the one tune i would always request when we went dancing in the local watering holes, i was never any good at drinking but j. liked a drink and is she had enough i would get to drag her on the dance floor for our strange dancing that we post punk goths did at the time but this tune i would request purely for her either if we had a row or should i say heated discussion or just to show her i loved her it was her fave tune at the time and i guess this is the closest you get to something that could be labelled ‘our tune’
so once again for all those times we spent together for all those times i should have said i loved you and for all those times i let life get in the way of our friendship
love you j. goodnight sweet dreams
ok my kids don’t usually read my blog but if any of them ever do then i am sorry but i was young once you know ^_^ and all of this was many many years ago long before i became a mum, oh and do not make the same mistakes i did go out and make your own and learn from them then just as i did try and make a better life for your children, ^_^
love to all
stay beautiful, people
my new fave band and tune
or pyrography to give it it’s proper name
good morning world ^_^ but sorry for once again being missing for a week the pain was a bit intense as i tried to enter and then clean my 14 yr olds bedroom yes i was that brave took me a week in bed to recover though! so sorry succumbing to the annoying little things in life, but i think the last time we talked i promised you another look at one of my newly learned talents from my time out of around nine months , well my dear friends you guessed it -or at least you did if you know me ^_^ i chose another rather prone to self damage hobby but
and its a big but
why can i never resist saying that i shake my head at myself but lets move on
so i took up pyrography, which is basically burning bits of wood or sometimes leather but i have only ventured as far as wood, with a tool that looks like a soldering iron, except it comes with different tips that you can place in the head for different patterns but i ended up with choosing to love only one tip and yes i remain faithful, its the one tip that in effect is like a pencil except it burns and
wait for it
make sure you’re sitting down
i haven’t i say i haven’t burnt myself yet -now please universe that is not some kind of challenge it is just a hope that this record carries on like forever
so i have burnt numerous bits of wood usually in like nice heart shapes or i pick wooden boxes and so far i have made for birthdays and sold some ebay and i have nothing -just about- left to show you except the latest one i have just finished -though last night i did draw another design for my next burning but before i do it i promised a local dog rescue charity i would make something for them to use as a fundraiser so i best get on with that first but in the meantime here is the last one i have left
after i have burnt in all i want of the design and i am getting rather proud of my shading work- just a little brag there- with this one i then added some coloured pencil work and i finished with writing a poem i am not sure how well you can see on this picture it is only taken with my phone so not the best picture in the world but the poem is edgar allen poe a dream within a dream which is why the working title of the art work is dream within a dream – in time we learn?
ok that’s enough warbling from me for now it is my sons birthday on friday and he is panicking about if i have enough money to cope with his birthday plans ^_^ so another coffee then off to check if i do in fact have enough to cope with a thirteen yr old birthday plans ^_^
have an excellent day or at least a peaceful one
stay beautiful, people
love to all
damn i hope that worked should be showing temples shelter song my latest fave tune
ok first i have to say to me the real beauty of the internet is that i meet people like ina who is simply an amazing person and i am awed in her work and her strength, the internet shows me real people in real world situations, secondly to read this post humbles me and reminds me of how lucky i am, thank you to ina for sharing this
Originally posted on Croatia, the War, and the Future:
Today, 5th August 2015 is the 20th Anniversary of the Operation Storm, of liberation of Croatia, which put an end to the bloody and brutal Serb aggression and Croatia was liberated on that day from Serb occupation! While Serbs and Serbia will and have come out with barrages of denials of their own crimes of aggression, painting themselves as victims rather than aggressors – just as they did when 20th Anniversary of Srebrenica genocide was marked last month – Croatia is filled with pride at its achievements, bravery and independence.
Today, 20 years after the hard won victory over the Serb aggressor Croatia’s first president Franjo Tudjman, who led Croatia into independence and democracy, secession…
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this is the first post in which i shall tell you of those things i have learned i can do as opposed to all those things i can’t do its kinda like a positive moment thing you know because um well i just want to show off really ^_^
thank you everyone i mean it i really have been surprised and had a good cry i love finding i have such good friends thank you okay on to the showing off bit ^_^
okay i think the first thing i will show off about is i taught myself felting, as in dry felting mostly single needle though sometimes i choose to stab myself with a multi needle holder as well, yup believe me much as it is a fab hobby to have you need protection, you need to invest in some sturdy leather gloves and even then i have been known to stab myself through the leather,
yeah you are right big bloody ouch is right,
as always i just decided like right in the middle of the night- i was stuck in bed as usual and couldn’t sleep (stupid annoying pain) so i thought hey i should stab myself, well no i actually thought i want to make a hat, so i did, yup just like that its just the way i roll baby, unfortunately throughout my life i have always had random ideas and i am blessed? with a completely inability to not only not see consequences but to even contemplate the idea that hey maybe i cannot do said idea, nope it’s never occurred to me,- i see a wall i don’t want it there i knock it down- and yes seriously i have done that before, husband hides all the tools now i am not allowed near hammers saws ppfffft what does he know
okay so luckily at some point in the past i had in fact collected such items as felting wool and even needles, they really are the most evil needles ever invented, not only small, thin, and break easily when embedded in your skin thus meaning you have half a damn needle stuck painfully in your skin but the very thin pointy end bit has tiny barbs sticking out at all different angles, you see it’s these barbs that make the wool felt but they also rather evilly make sure i always get barbed as well as stabbed,
i know i know but i wanted a new hobby ok,
so i already knew how to crochet, taught myself that one years ago, and it is quite safe is crochet, also rather boring though, i don’t know perhaps i live for the thrill of being maimed by my hobbies, so i crocheted my hat basic shape that i wanted – please don’t ask me for the pattern this is not a crochet blog and i never use them anyway its all up here see in my head, then i proceeded to felt various colours of felting wool and you can take quite a lot of pent-up tension out on felting you know, all that stabbing works out few issues, and well, as it grew and took shape a fab idea came to me and i saw how i could create a whole range of very fab arty hats,- because no matter what i do my art always sneaks in there somewhere,
so i used blues and black and beads and threads and when it was finished i loved it, i named it midnight sun and it sold straight away so the next one i kept for me i love it i called it eye in the sky i shall show you
so there you go – one of my new talents felting, i still paint, i still sew and make dance costumes, on occasion i still write but i lost my confidence a little in that area, tomorrow i may tell you of another new talent i have
its sleep time
love to all family friends and those who have yet to become friends, or not, i won’t hassle
stay beautiful, people
okay so i admit 9 months is a long time to be off and still try and call it a holiday,
hi people of the bloggy world
as usual wordpress has changed beyond all recognition and i cannot be bothered trying to work my way around this maze of bloggy challenges such as find your last post or work out how to access your old profile,
soooooooo for those who want to know i was too ill to finish college in the end i just had to accept i simply was not well enough to attend, i am now in various braces my wrist is in a brace my leg is in a brace my other arm and my neck is in a rather attractive beige brace, i am on morphine now as well as the amitryptiline and various family members or friends enjoy using me and my wheelchair as some sort of modern day weapon and judge each outing on how many people they have maimed in using me as a battering ram ^_^ for those that forgot me that was sarcasm- you know i am the least witty but insist on pretending i am female version of george carlin except i am not funny or clever, i try though
as always i still battle with dyslexia so please bear with me, for those grammar police out there keep it up you’re doing a great job all the crap in this world-starving children, wars, injustice in every form- but hell its ok because someone was corrected on the internet on the correct use of you’re and your, please i ask you to make sure you point out any glaring mistakes i have and punish me as you see fit and i will endeavour to ignore you and carry on wishing that spellcheck would realise i am dyslexic and when i type eon i mean one goddammit,
i will also regrettably insist on using the english spelling on words well because i can really but if it annoys you, well, um, what was i on about? my alzheimers i think did i tell you i have ummm what don’t i have?
anyways for those who remained my faithful and much loved friends i applaud you and love you and for those who wandered off thats good also i have a very short attention oooh did i tell you my oldest is a hairdresser yup my hair is the only part of me that looks good it looks fab when i go i want it to say well nothing worked but she had great hair!
i have recently decided i like audioslave, yes really ^_^ and so for those who also like audioslave lets close with a song ^_^
um can anyone tell me how i add tunes again?
love and respect to all
hope everyone is enjoying good times
and though i cannot promise to post regular i will try not to leave it 9 months again ^_^
stay beautiful people
only one thing on my mind; never forget, 17 years ago today the world lost a legend, just a man, a hero, a tortured soul, a sweet damaged smile, micheal hutchence you are never dead to me