oh i hate dissappointing people

this is a post with Rhonda,  my lovely Rhonda, http://help-me-rhonda.com/2012/08/02/men-are-what-warning-colorful-language-and-if-you-dont-like-it-fuck-off-please/ salt of the earth and true friend Rhonda, but i have this awful feeling i will disappoint , you see i shall first explain i am english not just born and bred, but english to the core i am proud of it and very happy being that way, but it does affect some parts of my life, like for instance affection, i cannot do public displays of affection, i cant even do private displays of affection, i beleive affection is only meant for my children and to them i give it freely , but if you dont fall into the category of my kids then sure enough you will get a funny look from me if you ever ask for a hug, you will, no doubt, find me becoming ultra stiff and wooden like, in fact the best impression of a plank you have ever come across, if you ever try to hug me , you will  also find you will see a lot less of me if you insist on the affection thing,

 also and here is where we get to the nitty gritty bit and i feel myself glowing a lovely red colour , when it comes to discussing bodily functions, and worst of all those duties that fall within the marriage contract, well that’s it you lost me, i left the room about ten minutes ago when you tried to give me a hug,

so when my dear friend Rhonda put it to me about how did i tell my daughters about the birds and the bees, well ermmm how do i put this ermm i just didnt 🙂 ok i should explain , in this country ,they ,as in the government insist on thinking, and insist on you agreeing, that they know best, so they insist on all schools, even primary ones, yup you read it right even primary ones, now teach sex education, i dont personally agree with it, because i feel that childhood is already eroded enough and i wanted all my kids to enjoy being a kid for as long as possible, lets face we only get, if we are lucky 16 years, but these days? pfft about 11, if that, but i fight hard for my kids to laugh, relax, enjoy playing, being a kid , with no pressures and certainly no worries about anything adult,  but i digress, plus i know i am quite alone in this, i have suffered many parents in playgrounds shouting at me, why they think shouting and insulting me would make me think i should make my children adopt and adult way of life,  i dont know but there you have it , people are strange, and round here far too quick to be angry and insulting,

so back to how i handled it, well like i said i didnt have to explain any messy bits , because the school had made sure they knew all about that, any questions they may have had after was willingly answered in the playground, sigh, so what i did was this;- i have only been through it with my oldest so far but am just about to go through with my second duaghter and i shall handle it the same way , ;- i said’ so you know all about the sex education thing’ ‘oh god mam do we have to’ ‘yup but this is different i wont embarass you about taking through that with mum, but any personal questions you got you know you can ask and i will never tell anyone especially not your dad, so dont worry you will always be able to trust me’ ‘ok mam’ ‘ now what i will say is this; never do anything you feel uncomfortable about no matter how old you are, and this applies in everything in life not just this, never let anyone force into doing anything you dont want to, and in the matter of love, make sure it is love, on both sides, you feel it , they feel it, then ask yourself is this worth it?  is this going to result in any way of making me feel bad? am i ready for this? and lastly but most importantly does he treat me like a princess? like i am the only one in the world, and he would climb mountains walk ,through seas and battle gorillas for me ? if you got the answer yes to questions 1,3, 4, and 5 then go for it, but let me know first and i will get you in the pill and if the answer is yes to question number 2 then stop, walk away, and dont look back, come have a cry with me, i will listen and give you choclate 🙂

 i basically explained about her body being precious, very precious, and how it was linked intrinscally with her mind, and that it was not like that for men, it was very dificult for them to think like woman do, and would never think about emotions, feelings, they are wired differently,  so the only person in the world to protect her body and her mind, her feelings, was her, i could only do so much, but when it came down to it only she could know  when the time was right for her and how she felt, i explained we all make mistakes but it was best if we learnt from them, and no matter about peer pressure because it was not their body it was hers and only hers, it belonged to no one else, and anyone who wanted any kind of access to her body and therefore her mind and feelings, must treat her as a princess, like she was the most important thing in the world to them, and then and only then would they be worth it ,so that was it, i was lucky she listened and so far has had one long loving relationship, and after that time on her own and has just entered another loving relationship , i wont say it would be this smooth with all girls, i am lucky my oldest is such a wonderful and sensible person i am also lucky my second  daughter so far wants nothing to with boys, and is very focused on her career, i foster this very much i am full of encouragement 🙂  but soon as she enters secondary school, i shall be vigilant and as oon as i notice her looking at boys, i will talk to her too and explain just as i did with the oldest , now great you may or may not be thinking, she handled it her way, but get this; the other day we were talking about all this and i said ‘do you remember when i had this massive talk about respecting your body and realising it was precious?’ and she looked at me blankly and said ‘no?’ so there ya go the best laid plans of mice and (wo)men 🙂

 hope i didnt disappoint you rhonda 🙂


16 responses

  1. You could never disappoint Rhonda – her soul is just not wired that way…And you’re doing all the important mommy stuff kizzylee – you’re loving these girls with all your heart and showing them how precious they are every day. It sticks – the other bits? As you probably saw from the responses to Rhonda’s riotous post, it’s not as if our mom’s in the States did a bang up job either. 🙂

    1. aww thank you lovely mim you always say such lovely things and instantly make me feel better, i was only worried that the lovely rhonda would think i had some brilliant way of hanlding it all but i didnt, i just went with what i thought was best and to me i already know they are precious and i want any person who attempts to have any kind of relationship with them to treat them as every bit as precious as i do 🙂 i think i have been known to say (whilst wagging a finger i believe) ‘ you have to love my child as much as i do ‘ i would love to say i was typical but i am afraid not, not in this town any way, children in this town for the most part i see, are treated as a result of some drunken mistake one night they dont remember and they might get a council house out of it, i am seen as strange because i planned all my children none of them were ‘accidents’, so its nice to come on here and meet like minded people 🙂 thank you once again, you are a lovely friend and i hope you have a lovely evening xx

      1. you are one of my favs in blog-land kizzylee – for your enormous heart, incredible heart and willingness to share the gift of you with all of us. Your kids will make some poor choices, as all kids do – but none that will define them more than the sense of preciousness and value that you have given them. Rest well and enjoy a peaceful evening. You my dear friend are soooo special. My only regret truly is that given all the times I traveled to London over the 20+ years I was at the firm (at least three or four times a year), I never knew you then. What a treat that would have been..xx

  2. Would you like a 5th daughter? 🙂

    Your girls are so lucky to have you…you are teaching them what is most important; the details, they can get from any book or heck, google or YouTube these days.


    1. 🙂 thank you for leaving such a lovely comment , i find it incredibly important to have them know that they can trust me utterly, to always love them, take them seriously, answer their questions, and be there for them with love and choclate when the times need that shoulder to cry on, as long as we have that then we can face the rest of the world together , also by the way i have three girls and one boy 🙂 but i wont tell my son you thought he was a girl 🙂 have a superfab evening 🙂 xx

      1. Ooops! I thought you had 4 girls!! { 🙂 } Since I have a son, I totally get that omission! Ok, so let me rephrase…would you like a 4th daughter? 🙂

      2. 🙂 🙂 you are more than welcome to join our family any time 🙂 and as to my son oh my gosh i dont even want to think about when he gets to that age, it will be a minefield, he is severely autistic and i am dreading it, but i will cross that bridge when i come to it and no doubt one little post would not be enough, i imagine a whole book could be written! have a lovely evening 🙂 xx

  3. My dearest lovely wonderful Kizzy…I think you are wonderful! My mother gave me the bones…you gave your wonderful daughers the meat. I had not idea after my mother’s ‘talk’ that the MOST important thing was to respect myself and to care whether or not the one I was willing to open my heart and whole being to, loved me. YOU have done your daughters a GREAT service…and I would have been proud to have been the recipient of your authentic, natural, and very real advice.

    1. aww thank you lovely rhonda you has made me all teary eyed and its too early in the morning for that sort of thing 🙂 🙂 i am glad you liked my answer to your question , i hope you have a wonderful day xx

      1. No thanks ever Kizz…keep being the authentic woman you are. You and your kids are blessed to have each other.

  4. Just great. Excellent post. All the angst that accompanies “those” kind of conversations with your children. What I have found is what you already instinctively know, do the best you can and your children will know to come back to you with any more questions they might have! I mean that in a good way, by the way. 🙂

    1. thank you penny 🙂 i am glad i have instincts thuogh its what has lead me through life, because i lacked parents, even when my mother was still alive i would never have gone to her with anything, and i didnt want my kids to feel like that about me, i wanted them to know that in me they had a forever best friend no matter what, i wanted them to know they always had me one true person who would be there for ever and i would always help after this i hope to give them the information they need to make the choices they want in life and so far so good 🙂 thank you for reading my post and commenting as always i value your opinion and your friendship have a wonderful day xx

      1. Your welcome, I value yours also. May tomorrow or is it your today already? anyway whatever day it is, may it be a great one! 🙂

  5. @KizzyLee – So glad you wrote this post. I was wondering how I was going to discuss the conversation. I am going to bookmark this, so I remember or perhaps reblog. I never would have thought to discuss the birds and the beeds in such an elegant manner. Thank you for sharing.

    1. hiya my lovely friend glad to be hearing from you again you know you are one of those i value here in blog world 🙂 i am glad you found some use for this i admit do all my parenting by instinct i have my own system of what i believe is right and wrong and it has all come from my own experiences and thoughts i didn’t have parents they existed for a short while but they were completely dysfunctional so from an early i had to view the world and everyhting in it from my own perspective so its at times like this when i discussing major areas in life that i have tackled in the only way i know how and that is by instinct i find it nice to have people say they agree especially if they can use it, so thank you for your lovely comments and for being my friend and for liking stuff i do 🙂 have an excellent day xx

  6. Love this post. This post will be in my next blog post in a few days, I mean a link. Think it’s a really important subject and a wonderful way to explain sex to a young woman.

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