just a quick update

so the marathon of organisation that is getting the offspring back into their various routines has been got under control, and we all heave a sigh of relief at the sheer gorgeousness that is a weekend, with sleeping in and not having to do anything for a whole two fabulous days.

was a good girl on thursday and went to my hospital appointment even though i just felt like running in the opposite direction claiming very loudly that i am fine dont need no doctoring, but the very fact that i cannot actually run, in any direction, belied the fact that i think i am fine because quite clearly i am not, but i plastered on my brave face and went to see nice doctor person,

now none of that sympathy goo you know i dont do sympathy however all donations of get well chocolate are gratefully received.

so in i goes hopping along on me crutches and doctor person is a new bloke and is really nice, even though he does keep stopping me telling him about my pain, he is not interested in my pain, only my numbness and pins and needles, it’s hard though for me to separate things out because its all affecting me, but i try my best, then he sneakily, well i reckon he was being sneaky but he will claim he warned me all about it and even the letter i had told me in detail what would happen, in my mind though one minute he feigns interest in my family then before i know he has attached electrode thingies on me and has proceeded to send nasty electric shocks through, and they bloody hurt! i was not a happy bunny and did consider slapping him every time he shocked me with that machine thingy and then calm as you like enters how much pain i received into his computer.

i said ‘yeah you know that one really hurt’ and he laughs, yes that’s right laughs, and said ‘well i did make sure that one was quite strong because you weren’t responding as i had hoped,’ oh so i was supposed to break down and scream about the pain making my arms jerk and my legs shake huh? ok i will do that next ti-ow that bloody hurt!

after shocking various parts of my body and me planning his murder and would i be able to leave the hospital before anyone noticed i had killed the specialist doctor torturer bloke? he then gets out a set of needles and starts stabbing me all my arms and legs,

after the end of this torture he smiles looks at me and says ‘well the tests confirm exactly what you have been saying mrs——– you definitely have problems with the nerves in your fingers and legs and feet oh and your arm so yes the test show you are right in what you say,’

i managed to somehow contain my answer to this and he goes on ‘I cant actually give you any kind of diagnosis but i can tell you it is not a trapped nerve.’ and with that bombshell i am told to go and come back on sunday for a scan which no doubt will tell me exactly what i have known all along, i have ms, great, still at least you can stop telling me you thinks its parkinsons disease now:) i am amazed at the expertise of the medical world in letting me know that i was right; i am in pain and my limbs dont work.

on the way home hubby says he has decided that because he has worked for the last x amount of years and therefore paid the tax and contributions that come with that i am disabled and it was about time i accepted that and i should make it public and claim disability, until now i had refused to claim anything but i am good at being an optimist and forever thinking i can cope

so doctor says i am right

 hubby says i am disabled

 yup ok how good is my life

but the one that got me was i went to pick up my youngest from school and she says

“mum how long are you going to have crunches for?”

“forever my sweet i need them to walk”

 “but mum when are your legs going to stop falling down?”

and thus my day was complete 🙂

ok i am happy peoples please do not under any circumstances think i am sad,down depressed or any such thing, yeah stuff happens yeah its not all nice but i am happy even with torturer doctor people and hubby and his supportive view,

 i am happy because i have four gorgeous kids a chihuahua and an annoying streak of optimism that no matter what you throw at me i will just smile maybe raise an eyebrow but generally just carry on regardless 🙂

its bloody hard trying to draw with a mouse you know, they just don’t know how to hold a pen ………




29 responses

  1. Kizzylee, whatever else you may have, you possess an indomitable spirit that is inspiring and awesome to behold! I am cheering for you! 🙂

    1. thank my lovely friend for your wonderful comment 🙂 cheering! yes cheering is good i like cheering 🙂 not quite as much as i like get well choclate but hey its the thought 🙂 thank you my gorgeous friend for being exactly that; my gorgeous friend
      i hope you have a great evening xx

  2. Kizzylee…your spirit – and humor – are Uh-Mazing! You and your plans to murder the doctor bloke..had me in stitches! My kiddo calls them crunches too, so that made me smile. I find your spirit to be something amazing. So glad you are sharing with us! xoxo for your two lovely days of sleeping in!

    1. hiya gorgeous friend thank you for your lovely comment and it my youngest who named them crunches she is only 6 but they have remained being called crunches ever since i forget though and then i have doctors looking at me oddly when i say it 🙂 thank you for all your lovely compliements though i am sure you must be on about someone else 🙂 have a gorgeous weekend xx

      1. Nope, it was for you. Don’t go looking over your shoulder for someone else 🙂 xo

  3. Hope oodles of chocolate can be included with the sleeping in this weekend!

    1. i shall certainly give it a go! choclate is never safe with me anyway 🙂 hubby knows he has to find a good stash place if he ever wants to keep any , the poor thing; the amount of times he has come in and said where’s me choc – oh- as he sees me with the choclate moustache and empty box 🙂 he has become quite inventive last time i had to look for at least ten minutes 🙂 thank you for your comment and have a fab weekend my lovely xx

  4. An amazing up date… showing amazing tenacity to conquer what ever stands in your way.. be it physical or mental… slap the Doctor, I’m sure they had a class in how to accept that when they were studying… I had a cracked rib and been to a few Doctors who talked of colon problems and lung problems till I arrived at a specialist.. he put pressure on the cracked area, the pain hit me hard, I swung at him and he dodged… I naturally apologised and his answer..”Don’t worry they taught us how to dodge a punch when studying..” so give him a slap it might make you feel better…

    1. 🙂 wonderful my friend 🙂 thank you not only for your brilliant comment but the image you have started my day with 🙂 giggling i am now thank you 🙂 hope you have a wonderful day 🙂

  5. The chocolate is in the mail, now lets form a lynch mob and go after that doctor!
    You are an inspiration.

    1. aw thank you my friend, your lovely comment has really cheered me up 🙂 i am back at the hsopital tomorrow so i will have another good excuse to have choclate 🙂 thank you again and i hope you have a lovely weekend xx

  6. I hope you are feeling better today. My husband had the tests and doc said they are more from his diabetes than anything. He has neuropathy in his hands and feet. Several pieces of Chocolate ought to at least keep that smile on your face 🙂

    1. thank you for your lovely comment, i always have a smile on my face 🙂 i hope you have a wonderful weekend 🙂

    2. thank you for your comment i have to go again today for mri brain and spine scan they are hoping it will show if i have a brain tumour or not or if i am lucky they might even be able to see if i do have ms we shall see i lost my sight again yesterday luckily it is a bit better today but it all looks blurry like i am under water so yesterday was not fun i lost it completely and couldnt see anything but they said they would be nobody there at the hsopital to help me so i just had to wait at home , my kids were brilliant though they helpd me walk home i went blind in town you see but my kids guided me home warning me of obstacles and cars and walls they were brilliant i am so proud of them thank you for your comment i hope you have a lovely day 🙂

  7. Gotta love medics. I spent ten years working with them. They never listen to anyone – until you mention money.
    Not to run down any of your doctors but they are what they are. and they KNOW they know better than you do. Just saying.

    1. thank you for your comment, but i wish these doctors actually did know something of the last 18 months they spent 12 months scratching their heads saying they didnt know, one figured i should just get used to it i was old, i am only 46! now after 18 months the best they can come up with is that it is not a trapped nerve, seriously ?yes unfortunately seriously, by his own his words he said he couldnt diagnose all he could say was it wasn’t a trapped nerve, so today i am off back to hospital and i have been told before i even get there thats the scan wouldnt tell them much it would only rule out a brain tumour so i guess thats good, but in all my visits to any doctor i have yet to meet one that actually says ‘i know’ every single one has looked at my symptoms and said don’t know, but thats probably just the state of the nhs today, too many poorly trained doctors overworked underpaid and too tired to care or too poorly trained to actually know what they are dealing with, i even said to hubby that i bet they are too scared to admit to anything in case they get it wrong they get it wrong so many times here that the biggest grwoth industry right now is the lawyers who sue medical practitioners, top of the list is hospitals, everyone here knows someone who had something go wrong, even me, we lost a young cousin age 7 because they didnt realise she had cancer they told her is was fussy eating, they didnt know, and by the time they got it she had only months to live she died before her 8th birthday, thats is my doctor for you, my doctor, lost my mum because they didnt realise she had a brain tumour they just said it was a headache, they didnt know, they sent her home,she died after they finally did an operation but she got cdiff in the hospital, the same hospital i have to be at today, the same doctor, my doctor, whats worse is these are not the only ones i could tell you about and this is just me i darent even think of how many we have lost in the town itself, i thought about changing doctors to see if they were any better see if they would know, even as i entered i knew the sinking feeling of not only would these not know but it was not even designed in any kind of way to help disabled people and this had just been built i couldnt even open the damn doors i had to wait til someone came to help and they had the worst staff ever and i just ended back at my doctors for all he doesnt know anything at least i can get in the damn door, so i guess i just have to put up with because i have no other choice one day when i have become a rich and successful author 🙂 i shall be able to try private and see if they know 🙂 thank you again for your comment i hope you have a wonderful sunday 🙂

      1. That was nearly another blog post there! A couple of comments – I have never, never met any overworked or underpaid doctors. How many other professions only have to work three and a half days a week to be classified as full-time? Sad to hear the NHS doesn’t get any better though. When I worked iin it we really thought we were trying to improve services for patients (rather than making life easier for dcotors). It was cancer services too.

        I had a friend with ME, I don’t know how long her diagnosis took 😦

        First hand, I had two ops as a kid. I needed a blood transfusion after my tonsiiectomy and was rushed back in as am emergency, and my appendicitis cut had to be reopened to get rid of the gangrene….

        As for private doctors, just remember that they only get to be private doctors because they are meant to be the good ones who get a high ranking in the NHS – so they do their private work in their spare time. You get the same doctors, but you pay for them, you may get slightly more time with them.

      2. hiya thank you again for your comment 🙂 i think a lot of it is the last few years the nhs has undergone so many cuts they do not have enough money left to run anything the staff frequently is a skeleton staff or not existent and the few that are left are run ragged with over work because they have to do it al, i trained as a nurse a few years back and was shocked to see how bad it had all become, of course i wasnt ill then so i was seeing the other side of it , a few of my friends stayed the course and are now qualified and they are up in arms working very long hours and being told to do evrything from cleaning toilets to injections to clearing up when one dies, which it frequently does since there arent enough staff doctors or nurses left and with midwifes its even worse! with units closing up and down the country because they simply dont have any midwives to run it i feel so lucky i had my kids back when it was better, now even the unit i had my first at has gone and the main one is all that is left and that has severe staff shortages thanks to cuts they dont have equipment and they dont have basic supplies i have lost count of how many times they see to my son but i supply the dressings, one of the family had to wait so long and i mean months for her specialist wheelchair (she is completly paralysed but couldnt go anywhere without this wheelchair) and it took that long that my second daughter- only ten years old-offered to shave all her hair off to raise the money for wheelchair, a ten year old shaving her hair! that is how bad the nhs has become, doctors nurses midwives all becoming extinct and the few that are left are run ragged with no staff and no supplies, i have just come back from my scan and there was one woman in attendance, just one! no one esle in the whole unit and this is the big main hospital for the whole area and i was suffering a lot of spasms as this one woman did my mri, i was worried i asked if my spasms would affect the mri she said she had no idea she wasnt trained really to do anything other than strap me in! so now i have no idea what happens next, if my scan even worked, nothing, i didnt have anyone to ask or anyone to even talk to and its no good saying oh yes weekend blah blah blah because it is not that, there is one specialist who is expected to cover all this end of the damn country so he has to go round all of the hospitals and it could be more than a month before he makes it back round to this one, in the mean time i wait and even when he makes it back i will be told ……….yup you guessed,,,,,,,, he doesn’t know so there you go this is the nhs and what we live with,
        we lost my husbands father, my childrens grandad, because they took so long and kept saying they didnt know what was wrong, they said it was indgestion and then he dies of bowel cancer! we lost him in three months! yet he knew something was wrong he kept going and they kept sending him home saying it was indigestion, yup books could be written on what we have lost as a family alone now if you think of this up and down the country then you get to see why riots happen, there is no money, no services, nothing, sorry to be such a realist but that is how it is if any lucky few have received any real help then thank god for that because the rest of us live with this day in day out, you actually get the feeling they wish people would just hurry up and die so they didnt have to treat them maybe thats what this government is working on, as to paying it is not a real option for me my husband and i have worked hard and we have paid our stamp duty that is there precisely to pay for the nhs so we have already paid, hubby says he wont pay twice and i follow him, why work hard for years paying every tax and stamp going then be told you have to pay for what you already paid for , so thats not going to happen , any way looks like i have written a book again 🙂 this subject i am well researched on i have seen both sides i have trained in the nhs and i have been a patient and both sides showed me such that i have very little confidence in any of it my respect goes to those few nurses and doctors i do get to see because i know how hard they work yet i know their pay is getting cut constantly and they know the funds to the hospital are getting cut and recently they brought in new area management and that is a another whole book for another time suffice it to say there is new head people and even less money it figures, thank you for listening and your comment and i really do hope you have a good rest of sunday 🙂 xx

  8. Hi KL (again, sorry for taking up your Sunday!)

    I don’t understand why you went for an MRI on a Sunday???? But I hope it wasn’t too traumatic, not something I would like, and sorry about the lack of professional staff.

    Between us I guess we could write an NHS blog. I spent ten years working in the NHS, and there were a few things I didn’t like:

    1) having to fit around political requirements, I know it has to be done and I understand it, but some of it was seriously a waste of time

    2) greedy, ignorant, arrogant doctors – because however you put it, there are some

    3) anyone who wasn’t interested in improving the service for patients

    But, on the upside, I met some superb people, mostly nurses, but also a lot of managers who wanted to improve services too.

    A colleague and I started a project with some colo-rectal nurse specialists and when we finished we took them out for pizza. There were no expense accounts, it came out of my pocket and my colleague’s. But these nurses had sorted their work to give us an afternoon a month for a meeting so that we could achieve the project (providing information for patients).

    I’m not in the UK any more – or the NHS – so I can’t say, but it seems to me that it is always in a state of being criticised for shortage of funding. Partly because people demand ever more expensive treatments, look at some of the (cancer) drug costs alone.

    I don’t know about the pay of clinical staff being cut, but I do know about managers’ pay being cut. And if you don’t have managers, you have to take clinical staff off the front line to start managing, which to me is a waste of their training, unless they want to do that.

    Hospitals and services were shutting and closing years ago, which is why to me, nothing has changed. I’m not saying that’s good, but there is a finite pot of money and it gets eaten up by capital costs.

    If I walked back today into the NHS or the hospitals I knew, I doubt it would look different. The political goals will have changed, but little else. Bank nurses to cover the gaps, doctors doing private sessions, hospitals not clean enough because everything MUST be contracted out. Some dedicated people working extremely hard. You get the idea.

    Sunday for me has been very lazy and chilled. Hope you enjoy your evening too and get to relax after the MRI.

    1. hi lovely i have really enjoyed this conversation thank you very much for taking the time and effort to chat to me, its not often i get such a rewarding conversation but yes you are definitely right between us we could write the book on the nhs but i really do think its present problems are completely the fault of the government they have just taken so much off them they have nothing left, as to why a sunday they said if i picked a weekend i would get an appointment quicker and i was lucky i got today within 3 weeks of asking, now that’s nigh on a miracle! and i was happy with a sunday because it didn’t interfere with work or school so it was perfect all round, though i did feel for the poor lass /nurse who saw to me it is a huge hospitable like i said it is the main one for the whole area so it felt like a ghost town all the corridors empty all the units empty i am used to at least seeing a receptionist or cleaner but no one! so i felt for her i thought it must be lonely, the most thing i thought going through it was how noisy it was! she gave me ear plugs before strapping me in she put a brace on my head and neck and chest and strapped my arms but to be honest nothing hurt, i got a lot of spasms but i do anyway they are part of my ms so i live with them, i think they were worse because i had to lay straight out on my back which is really poorly (it because of my back and knees i cant walk), but like i said it didn’t hurt just very noisy my ears were ringing by the time it was finished, i had my neck head/brain and spine done so i was lucky it could have been a full body one, but you see i have been lucky through all this even though it doesn’t seem so to others; i have only waited 18 months my friend who had the eeg when i did, she has been waiting four years and my friend from dancing has been waiting five years, so i do count myself lucky anyways i have to go put children to bed after making sure they had showers etc but really i have enjoyed this conversation and i appreciate your taking the time to chat to me its been one of the best conversations i have had in blogland 🙂 so thank you very much and i hope we chat again sometime, you have been patient, kind, and informative, and interesting to chat with thank you my friend and have a restful evening i shall promise to stop chattering at you now 🙂 xx

  9. Holy Cow! That’s all I can say! Kizz, your ‘day in the life’ is exhausting and the fact you are always smiling says a hell of a lot about you! Thinking of you and wishing you chocolate dreams!

    1. thank you my wonderful friend one of the nicest compliments anyone gace me once was a bloke who said well no one could ever say you were lazy 🙂 its the way i am i have a short attention span so i fill my days with fifty thousand projects 🙂 of course life throws in its own projects for me in the mix but it all makes sure i am tired at the end of the day 🙂 loves you have a great day xx

      1. That bloke was right…and it’s not just the amount of projects and daily life that keeps you hopping sweet woman, it’s the way you approach it. You are amazing and more so because you don’t think you are. Trust me…YOU ARE!

  10. History of the Ancient World | Reply

    I’ve nominated your blog for Beautiful Blogger Award. If you accept please check my post http://historyoftheancientworld.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/beautiful-blogger-award/

    1. thank you very much my friend i really appreciate your kindness thank you, i am so sorry i have only just got to this message i had such a lot of messages to work through! thank you very much for this , i will try to take enough time later to stop and sit down and do a post on this thank you for your kindness and patience with me , i hope you have a great day, xx

  11. WordsFallFromMyEyes | Reply

    You’re so funny 🙂

    I love how you tagged this ‘torture’. Oh my, what great therapy it is to drop into other people’s lives & read of THEIR trials & tribulations. Many thanks!

    1. your welcome 🙂 i am so good at pampering myself , well i had to pamper myself after going through this experience – i can be incredibly self indulgent 🙂 – that i only just realized today i was supposed to go to my doctors today 🙂 ahh well i shall go tomorrow and smile an apology at him 🙂 thank you for your comment have a lovely evening xx

  12. Dear Kizzy, you are amazing! What a strong spirit you have!

    1. aww thank you naomi thats a wonderful thing to say i shall stop blushing eventually 🙂 i am rubbish at taking compliments 🙂 thank you for your lovely comment and i hope you have a lovely day xx

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