all cried out

ok i just been to the last ever christmas play i am lucky i have been through 4 children’s worth of plays and singing things and dancing things but today was poignant and lead to a tear or two, i have been so very lucky in life to have been given the wonderful opportunity of being a mum to four fabulous children is the greatest gift i have ever been given, tomorrow i am a whole year older and the kids ask me what i want yet all i can think of is nothing i have been given my children and that is more than enough, sometimes when i am alone and just have my thoughts for company i wonder what my other two would have been like, unfortunately i lost two babies, so i would have had six and then i think i would have been even more tired and even more penniless ^_^ but also surrounded by even more love, my first ever baby i lost at 18 weeks a boy i would have named cain, then i had my oldest now 18 and then my second now 11- who my gosh is so pedantic the word was invented just for her alone ^_^ she hurt her ankle in netball; i said take two painkillers and rest but she wouldn’t ,why? because -and you have got to love her for this, the box said to only take two if she was twelve and over, it is precisely three weeks time to her twelfth birthday, three weeks, but she would not consider at all taking two i tried to explain that the manufacturers would not see three weeks as a problem especially when she is tall for her age, but no the nearest she would accept was one and half, brilliant ^_^ i wouldn’t change her or any of them for the world, after this wonderful pedantic daughter was my baby sophie whom i lost at 5 months, now i had been very lucky i had tried and managed to conceive immediately because i so wanted twins and my second daughter and sophie were so close but then i lost sophie, i was very lucky though i tried again immediately and had my son, so this is just about a little less than a year between him and second daughter, then of course a few years later came my youngest who god help me is such a character ^_^ when people learn my son is autistic they often look at me with such sympathy and say things like ‘oh you poor thing that must be such a lot of hard work’, yet really my gorgeous son is, well he does have his own world and if this world encroaches on that then yes things can be a little difficult for him but not for me, if anything my youngest daughter is the one to challenge any parent ^_^ i don’t care how experienced you are as a parent you still would need a whole mountain of patience with my youngest ^_^ oh she is adorable, very pretty and such a soft sweet voice, so well mannered and people all love her, but, well she is a challenge, she suffers the worst night terrors so say good bye to regular sleep patterns, fine i can cope with that, she never and i mean never takes in even the most simple/important concepts, to this day we have our home decorated in dark colours; people see the living room and say oh thats lovely dark purple how courageous of you, hmm yes i love purple but it also means you don’t get to see the latest masterpiece my youngest painted/drew/smeared with sauce/glued/scratched/glittered unless of course you look round the room far enough to see the tv , yes she adorned that too, first she painted the whole screen with glue then glittered the top and across the screen then drew on screen with felt tip, i was only making the tea, i come in and lo and behold the new too damn expensive tv is now part of a glittery barbie world and we now can’t see half the people on tv because i cannot get that damn glue stuff off. no i won’t hide such stuff i can hear some people mutter in the background there, it’s like this- all my kids from the day they are born are encouraged to be as arty as possible, i am even guilty of buying arty stuff before new clothes or shoes, i am arty/crafty myself and i wanted each of them to feel that at any time they can produce wonderful pictures, and yes i have tried teaching the youngest til i am blue in the face that we only do this on paper but it just doesn’t sink in, my latest discovery of her’s has just happened i have just come upstairs to my bedroom where i sit and chatter to you lot here and discover she has drawn and written her name all over my tablecloth i have on the table next to my bed, ho hum. the walls glass windows, clothes, beds everywhere that has a surface she will add to that surface and this is just one of the more adorable habits we have grown used to , i am still working on getting her to flush the chain (toilet) sigh, she is six and she wants to go to disneyland for her seventh birthday next year i am working on her being able to use a bathroom without wrecking it and flushing the chain would be a start, if i succeed we go to disney, wish me luck ^_^ we have to hide all womens things like sanitary towels she has a lot of fun with them, i find them stuck in pretty patterns all over, we now have a high shelf she (hopefully) cannot reach, we have had to twice pay a plumber to come and sort out the toilet because she puts her dolls and teddies and just about anything she can fit down there, yes i have learned to have eyes in the back of my head, to accompany her at all times, and yes it really is a case of if the house is quiet then panic because you can bet your bottom dollar she is up to something ^_^ so my son he is no problem because i have a youngest daughter who is like all the naughty children you have ever met rolled into one gorgeous cutest little princess you ever saw^_^ she fools old women constantly she can charm them at a thousand paces away on account of her waist length ringlet (natural) auburn (again natural) hair they love her, saying all manner of sweet things that she just laps up, but she is very matter of fact, she is not rude she would never stick her tongue out or pull faces or anything like that but if someone smells she will tell them, well actually what she would do is ask them why they smell yukky, one of the lovely old women was so sweet and said ‘you have such beautiful auburn hair you are so lucky’ and my youngest said in a very matter of fact way, ‘i know,’ i at once said ‘oh honey please learn to say thank you not i know,’ she then turns to the old woman and says ‘and it is ginger by the way not auburn’,  she will always insist on being ginger but it is too dark to be ginger she is quite definitely auburn, she is the only child i know of in the world who actually wants to be ginger, sigh and anyway i make my excuses as we leave  i talk to her about being nice to people and speaking politely and every time she will smile nicely and say yes , yet within the next five minutes she will have destroyed/drawn on/wrecked something else, last night i am hoping though she learnt something of a lesson after popping her to bed i had to go in several times as she kept jumping on beds/running around/ launching herself off the drawers, so i had been in one last time with the idea that she either settle down or i may have to tell santa that she didn’t deserve her presents, this as always brings forth a yell of no and she jumps in bed once again pretending to be asleep, i sit down not even five minutes later i hear a massive clanging noise, i mean this is one big noise so i was convinced she had broken something i went in asking what she had broken and there she is crying her eyes out she says she has broken her head, turns out soon as i left the room she had started jumping from one bed to another her sister shares her room she wasn’t there but youngest is jumping from one bed to the other and they are opposite ends of the room so she had miscalculated and jumped too far and bashed her head against the wall, she had a little egg shape on her head and i decided she had to come back in my room and sleep with me, it was the only way she was going to be safe, i explained to her that apart from upsetting me, santa, and everyone else, if she had just gone to bed as she was told instead of being naughty then her head wouldn’t hurt, she agreed and came to sleep in my bed so let’s see if she attempts the olympics in her room tonight ^_^ my second daughter wants a gecko for her birthday but i daren’t get her one until i can think of a way to keep it safe from the youngest ^_^

so this may help to explain why evry time i write a post or write some of my book (i finished the first draft of my fifth book last night woohoo ^_^ ) i am surrounded always by assorted children and animals i am happy though because if they are here with me then they are safe and happy and i am happy just to be with them, so tomorrow i have already all the gifts in the world my four beautiful children, bumped heads, drawn on wallpaper, and all the other wonderful cherished and often exasperating adventures they take me on ^_^

have a wonderful day everyone xx

ginger! not auburn

ginger! not auburn


6 responses

  1. Dear Kizzylee,
    What a great post. You painted such a vivid picture of your darlings! I sometimes think about the two that I lost, but then I just look at the two that I have, and am so grateful. It is clear that there is a lot of love in your family! Congratulations on finishing your draft. You keep cooking! Warm wishes for a happy holiday for you and your kids.

    1. thank you my lovely naomi ^_^ and i hope you have a wonderful holidays too i am not going to say much though as everything is too quiet so god knows what i will find i only asked her to brush her teeth before bed , i shall count to ten then go in and see what she has done ^_^ thank you for dropping by i always love to hear from you xx

  2. Just laughed and laughed here! Loved it!

    1. brilliant ^_^ thank you for dropping by and i am so glad i made you smile have a great day ^_^

  3. WordsFallFromMyEyes | Reply

    So this is how you started? I love looking at earliest posts.

    You’re a scream Kizzylee, love this. 🙂

    And it’s Christmas again!

    1. ^_^ so glad to bring a smile i always get asked why i write horror i requested to write my life story so many times but i love writing horror and anyway i like having the blog to share my funny stuff with all my lovely blog friends thank you my lovely friend for dropping by and i hope you have a gorgeous day xx

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