back ^_^

My darling friends thank you to any who have remained with me i appreciate your friendship to those who found other interests thats cool i have a short attention span myself so i am the first to understand go for it and be happy ^_^

so to briefly fill in lots happened, had heart to heart with hubby, everything back on track now marriage wise ^_^ woot, spent way too much time in hospital, talking to way too many consultants, doctors etc, got re-diagnosed from multiple sclerosis to ehlers danlos syndrome then back to hospital to  so called specialists, finally ended up with a professor -whom i am still in two minds about whether i go see a lawyer about – he insisted on examining me naked? i did as i was told but felt very very awkward vulnerable and well, grubby, afterwards, and to cap it all he said it was all my own fault (yup folks i adore being in this much pain so much i just make myself endure it every minute of every day because i like it) his closing sentence after refusing to listen to anything i had to say but instead asking me about my relations with my husband ? once it was ascertained that my husband worked he looked down his nose at me and said “so you’re just a mother then so really no need for you to be here or wasting  my time go home its all nothing to worry your self about go back to being a mother” making some kind of effort i tried to explain i was trying to carve out a career as a writer he looked down his nose once more and said “yes but you dont make a living out of it do you, your husband is the wage earner you are just a mum goodbye” by this time i believe i was only a inch tall and went home.

Hubby was already mad enough about whole thing i didnt tell him about the naked exam bit or he may well have punched the guy.

It got worse i was finally brave enough to go to dentist, woohoo, some of you may remember a few months back i made a deal with someone that if they were brave and gave up smoking then i would be brave and go to the dentists, they did, and so i did. Luckily dentists was good with cowards like me and drugged me for whole experience and i left with new teeth, they absolutely hurt like hell and still do ^~^ apparently they are temporary and i get to go back in six months and get new ones which i hope really do not hurt.

Now on to the really sad bit; a few weeks back now, my gorgeous wee pup my adorable chihuahua frodo got poorly and died the vet god love her did everything she could he was in pet hospital for three days but in the end there was nothing she could do and we lost our much loved friend and it took it out of all of us and as you can imagine i was shattered think i cried three days non stop, we brought him home and buried him in back garden but he left a huge hole in our lives. RIP my beautiful baby frodo.

After a short while it became obvious i need to have a little companion in my life i adore chihuahua s too much to not have one so a new baby came to join our family and his name is ozzy-he is  a white chihuahua who is right now chewing the edge of my bed ^_^ gotta love them ^_^ he is completely an opposite to frodo but that is good i wanted one that was different so much i nearly got a girl but ozzy and i fell in love and so he is now a much adored part of the family

my darling Ozboz who even now at five months old still finds every single dog toy in the world is bigger than him, and being a chihuahua he will have to just accept this is how it is always going to be ^_^

my darling Ozboz who even now at five months old still finds every single dog toy in the world is bigger than him, and being a chihuahua he will have to just accept this is how it is always going to be ^_^

other things have happened i finished another book woot ^_^ it is still being draft proofed, i got three chapters wrote of next one then- wham life took over, and i cannot write whilst suffering from grief so i have not written anything since losing frodo but things are looking nicer now Ozboz has settled in and i feel happier so who knows maybe i shall write again tomorrow after church, beach with kids -we are having some kind of heatwave you know quite amazing for the north east; my kids have never seen this much sun! so we making the most of it and after all this i shall be exhausted but i will try to write; its nice to be in a frame of mind strong enough to do so.

so there you go my lovelies the last two months have flown by and i can only apologise for my absence but i know you will understand life takes over and sometimes you just have to go with it until it all settles down again, dust yourself off and deep breaths and smile and say-in the style of one of my fave films ever-‘tomorrow is another day’

ps gosh wordpress have been busy havent they? all changed from when i was last on, i am liking these changes wordpress keep up the good work and everyone else have a super weekend and be nice to each other and especially nice to yourself ^_^ love to all


15 responses

  1. Stay strong and don’t let things like that doctor get you down.

    1. thank you, life can be annoying but i am quick to cry and quick to recover- i am very lucky i am blessed with four fantastic children and a wonderful husband along with my new pup they all make me very happy and its always wonderful to meet lovely people like yourself and to be able to call them friend so thank you for reading for commenting and for caring i appreciate your friendship and kind words, i am over the doctor and no doubt will see many more but i am the lucky one i get to come home and be with my faveourite people ^_^ have a wonderful weekend xx

      1. You too! And you’re right to count your blessings. 🙂

  2. Welcome back dear kizzy…we’ve missed you. More than any thing though, I am so sorry that you have had such trials and sorrow during your absence. Your new puppy is absolutely adorable and I hope that his arrival marks the beginning of only good things…xo

    1. my darling mims in my dreams i run and hug you til you shout at me to get off ^_^ in reality being english shy and pretty much unable to move i would smile very widely and tell you i love and miss you my wonderful friend ^_^ it is so lovely to hear your voice again and please hug rhonda for me i apologise for not going near my email box it is too scary! every time it flashes in front of me it says horrid things like 5000 unanswered emails and i run screaming from the room, abeit a slow run, a very slow run that looks a lot like walking, slowly, with crutches, but you get the idea ^_^ more has happened than i could reasonably fit on one post but in short as you know i have no parents but recently discovered in a sense my real dad, it was through him and various new siblings i found that i was rediagnosed but it was not all hugs and memories for the making of, one day i shall go through all the difficult bits but for now suffice it to say i requested to meet with my real dad and he denied the request, didnt want to, so i sulked-as you do, then last week was told he is now in hospital same one i was in and was only expected to live a few days, so left me a little bit down so to speak i was so close but couldn’t go to see him because he didnt want me to, life great isnt it oh well onwards and upwards or onwards and sort of horizontalwards ish for me hope you have been feeling well my friend? thought about you and my darling rhinda loads please forgive me my friends at times i just go inside myself and can’t talk so i am all incommunicado for a while but in my heart you are all always there, great isn’t it – i am author who has bouts of not wanting to talk ^_^ hugs you and loves you mims hope life treats you well and have a super excellent weekend xx

      1. You are an author who is human – and I do the same thing. When you’re ready I hope you fill me in – I’m glad you and hubby are on the same page and I hope the children are all well. I’ve never heard of this newly-diagnosed illness or how it’s treated? I am amazed your bio-dad didn’t want to meet you – for whatever his reasons may have been, I an assure you that is arguably his greatest loss – for he will never know what a wonderful person you are. Be well dear one and don’t push yourself too hard. xo

  3. So good to see you posting again. what a horrid time you have had. How sad about Frodo but we welcome Ozzy with delight!

    1. thank you and wonderful to hear from you my lovely friend, and yes small as they are they take up a huge part of our heart the pain of losing frodo was immense and the kids are all old enough now to understand so they all had broken hearts too we grieved together as a family and we stood together as one as we buried him hubby kids and me all crying but as i explained to them the youngest being only seven, that it was ok to hurt the more we hurt the more it shows we love them and it took quite a bit of soul searching before actually taking the decision to get another as i have five other people to take into account as well each dog we welcome is a part of a family of seven four kids hubby me and our old survivor the ancient greyhound blue ^_^ who has mastered the art of immortality ^_^ i swear she is old grey and still acts like a pup ^_^ i have asked her to share the secret of longevity with me but in her adorable sad eyed greyhound way she sits and smells (eye wateringingly bad smells anyone who has ever had a greyhound will know exactly what i mean ) and then falls fast asleep ^_^, of course as soon as Ozboz was brought home our hearts was sold and he belonged with our family instantly, to me it is like finding the missing piece of the jigsaw, we all fit together perfectly ^_^ thank you my friend for being here and for reading and taking the time to talk i will always appreciate your friendship plus its lovely to have someone who knows and understands my love for dogs ^_^ have a super weekend xx

  4. Welcome back, Kizzy! Your voice has been missed….

    1. virtual hugs donnaanddiablo ^_^ wonderful to hear from you and thank you my friend so lovely of you to say ^_^ as always my life was so busy it took my breath away and its great to have a wee chat in here and to hear from you all i don’t mind admitting i have a tear escaping my eye as i write ups and downs life is full of them but it is good to be feeling i am back in a place where i can be here chat and hear from my friends i will spend tonight having a good read of all the posts i have missed out on and am looking forward to the catch up i have no doubt i shall not last long before sleep claims me i am not good with this sweltering heat! i have now an immense admiration for any who live in hot countries how on earth they get anything done i don’t know! me all i can do is complain about being too hot and demand ice cream ^_^ all day! i have thought about putting a chair in the shower and spending summer in the shower but i am banking on the idea that this being england it will be back to rain and cold tomorrow ^_^ thank you my lovely friend i hope you have a wonderful weekend xx

  5. WordsFallFromMyEyes | Reply

    Sorry, I should not tell you what to do – let alone have you feel any kind of guilt that this doctor will do this to countless women after you. I didn’t mean to lay it out exactly like that. It’s just, abuse is so common, happens so commonly, because those who are abused are quiet and try and ignore it ever happened. Kizzylee, truly with my heart – you say you felt grubby afterwards: with my heart I say, that grubbiness won’t go away unless you do something to have this man face what he did. Please, this is so awful. I wish you would do something.


    1. my friend let me first thank you, a thank you from the bottom of my heart until you spoke up i was still unsure i knew inside that it felt wrong but after four children i was used to being examined, childbirth is not dignified in our hospital more a sort of factory roll on roll off systems in my experience so i was quite unsettled but had no idea if i was over reacting thank you my friend you have helped me see i should have listened to my instincts as my instincts were telling me this was wrong luckily there is a recognised system in place for me to take my complaint so tomorrow i shall contact them, also please never worry i would never see anything you say as anything other than advice i would never see it as you telling me what to do i know we are virtual friends but i have regularly read your blog and i have read all your comments on mine and may i say it is lovely to hear from you, that aside i am trying to say i feel i know you and i know you say what you say in earnest and genuine care and for this i am grateful, and i appreciate your freindship more than this i respect your opinion and your thoughts i know are founded in care and you have life experience that shows me you know your own mind and are clear headed enough to know others , i say all this because i appreciate friends with these strengths as i know for myself i am lacking in confidence and i become easily confused suffice it to say i have suffered in the past enough to make me unsure of anything i say or do and for me it is natural to blame myself for anything not right but it is my first reaction every time, so thank you my friend for being my friend and having the strength and courage to speak with me it was something that was causing me a great deal of distress but as always i was just accepting it as my burden, i often need friends like you to just give me that nudge in the right direction or to help me see clearly even though often it is something i know deep down i just need that confirmation i am not getting it wrong i know it is going to be a difficult path as taking on the nhs is fraught with barriers but i will start the process on monday as i have just realised tomorrow is sunday,
      as always you have my full respect my friend
      and my devoted friendship
      thank you

      1. WordsFallFromMyEyes

        Kizzylee, I’m so, so relieved you are not offended by my urging. You’ve said you lack esteem and blame yourself and THAT is exactly why this doctor targeted you and absolutely no doubt other women in his days there at “work”.

        The first step is ONLY the first step but bear in mind: how many other doctors will support that you need to be naked for the examination he performed. Even with a pap smear, the lower is covered with a cloth and only what cannot be avoided of my personal self being exposed, is. This doctor exposed far beyond boundaries of your personal self.

        You said you hadn’t told your husband, so that’s probably going to be tough, but let him know that other women of life experience are in support of you because they KNOW this doctor crossed the line for his own thrills. I truly hope he is strong with you.

        There will be obstacles, Kizzylee, but please brave through each and every one. Your confession on a blog that you felt “grubby” afterward, speaks volumes of how this affected you. You felt it safe to say in cyberspace because you were too scared to say it to the doctor/the authorities’ face, but grubby remains with you and you want to give it back to him by his name being out there with these charges attached to it.

        I genuinely care, I am relieved you forgive me being so forward with my words, urging, and I invite you to let me know how you’re going or if you’re feeling uncertainty. Success only comes from not giving up.

        Give HIM grubby feelings. You go, girl.

  6. ***i should have listened to my instincts as my instincts were telling me this was wrong ***

    LISTEN to your instincts. We have them for a reason. That little voice inside telling you “This is wrong” is a true voice…is a authentic voice.

    Follow thru with first thoughts, please.

    Keep us informed what you decide to do.

    Kim Xx

    ps. tell your husband.

    1. hi, and thank you, the more i now think about it and along with the confirmation of friends on here, the more i realise i have to go forward with this, i knew i should have said something and i only hope i am not too late- there is a time limit in this country for any complaint against the nhs , so i am getting in contact first thing monday- i think i should be ok as it will be about ten days since the incident so should be ok-, again though please let me say thank you for your concern, i wasn’t really aware of the depth until i saw the comments that helped me to see this was something i had to act on, i was no longer unsure i was quite definite and more than that i actually felt embarrassed i hadn’t acted sooner, i know this is because of my rather rubbish self image i suffer from but i know now it is imperative, i not only thank you for the concern but for having the knowledge and conscious aware thought of how bad and the correct course of action and more than that but for caring about me- someone you have never met -and yet care enough to show this concern and also this will now hopefully save others from the same suffering, i thank you not just for me but for any others this helps, and i have now spoken to my husband who understandably is not happy and supports my decision to go forward and enter the complaints system if i have no luck with them then i will go to the ombudsman for the nhs,
      you are a great friend to have and i am glad i can call you friend
      on to lighter things i hope you have a lovely weekend and get a chance to relax in the sun although we have lost it here now the clouds are back !

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