why I am too scared to go back to my facebook page ^_^
Lots of things occur to me in my war on my self confidence as a writer, as I have mentioned before writing is the only profession that requires positive feedback from others before the writer feels worth anything, we constantly seek out others opinions of our writings and we feel mortally wounded if that feedback is less than complimentary, I once pointed out that a shopkeeper does not require his customers to constantly tell him how good he is at shopkeeping so why then should I need this as a writer?
Neither is it the same with being an artist I regularly indulge my creative side and do not feel satisfied unless my hands are creating, sewing, painting, or more lately sculpting -(yup my latest fad is being a doll maker oh my it has been quite a learning curve)- my point being I am happy creating for myself and do not require anyone else’s comments positive or otherwise to create it satisfies me to simply do it i am lucky in that my creations sell thank you to the person who created a certain on-line auction place ^_^
So I get to thinking, why I write, why my writing is affected by other influences, why it has to be seen to be successful in order to be satisfying, why the hell I lose confidence and feel like I am a crap writer until someone reads one of my books and praises it, sigh.
One of the latest points that bothers me about writing is what gender I am, or perceived to be. I write as a female, a gender that I naturally chose because basically I am female so It’s easy, yes I chose a pen name I had my reasons, but recently it occurred to me that each time my work is read without the reader knowing my gender it is more positively commented on, then they see the name Kizzy Lee and more or less immediately it is ranked of lower quality, now why is that? Also I notice that when people enquire my occupation and I reply author they are always positive, happy, even impressed right up until they ask what genre and I answer ‘horror’ and they frown as if women cannot or should not write horror, now I know that there is in fact a rather large amount of very good female horror writers out there, I also know that some of the male horror writers are in fact female but choose to use a male pen name. Hmmmmm, theatrically rubs imaginary beard on chin, now why should that be.
I am left with; either I strike forward and say I am a horror writer and proud of it or I chose a male pen name, of course I could do both, I do have so many tales to write that I may swing either way on each book ^_^
Another point that kind of bugs me is that I don’t often chose to write gore, nope I prefer suspense, I prefer atmosphere, and as such I often encounter people saying ‘oh well that’s not really horror then’, hmmm really? So what is it then? Go on label my writing if it isn’t horror please, because I have to label each time I release a book I am forced to pick a category and horror is the only one that fits, so again I shall strike a blow for the right to be a non gory horror writer-of indeterminate gender.
Ok my next -and hopefully- last point of annoyance, is book snobbery, sigh if I had a penny for each time I have heard some author who loudly and boringly proclaims that they hate fifty shades yet they consider themselves an erotica writer-and even worse they always have to add they consider themselves a better erotica writer than that poor fifty shades woman- sigh I would have no need to keep putting the lottery on. Seriously folks get over your book snobbery, I am proud to say i love twilight, I read fifty shades without once saying ooh I could write better than this and I quite enjoy the whole world of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams has my undying loyalty, a book, any book, is someone work, hard work, if you don’t like it put it down move on, maybe even avoid such books but don’t fill up my Facebook page with your spewing vitriol of small minded opinions of peoples work, who, lets face it, is in fact not only way more famous than any of your work but actually makes money, when I see your bitchin on my fb page I sigh heavily and remind myself never to ever buy any of your work on principle.
So at last my name is set as the one striking a blow for the right to write non gory horror regardless of gender and against all forms of book snobbery. ^_^
OK that’s my slightly annoying points over with i shall now pack away my soap box and continue with my addiction to big brother and sculpting dolls that are probably more scary than my books ^_^
be sweet, be kind and be nice to each other ^_^ and have a super summer xx