there is a better way

the other day, Tuesday I believe it was I was talking with a friend, just aimless chat at the time stood in the corner shop, it soon became obvious to me my friend was not happy, I listened to his problems, and gave him a shoulder to cry on, then went home and baked him a comfort cake-lots of chocolate involved ^_^ along with a chewy comfort cookie and I thought it through everything he had said and it struck me that he kept telling himself he did not have the right to feel down because there are others worse off than him, and he felt guilty for having an off day.

Well it occurred to me that a lot of people, my friend included, give themselves stress that really does not need to happen, so as I thought about I could feel an idea form in my mind and I shall share with you here the advice I gave my friend

as I said I wrote a letter and gave it with the comfort cake and comfort cookie and it went like this

dear please place your name here

firstly wonderful as you are my friend I have to tell you that you are also human, with human feelings and sometimes yes human failings, it happens to the best of us and so over time you will have days where you are down, miserable, in a deep blue funk, now often there isn’t one exact cause for this, some days everything just descends on us and the weight of it can be too much to bear, other times its just a thick fug that you can’t shift.

Now there absolutely nothing wrong with this, there is nothing wrong with having blue days, they happen accept them, embrace them, you need them, your body and mind need to recharge, you need a day off, a day in bed , I find going to bed for a few hours as soon a possible with a bag of sweets a good book or if you prefer a good film, and just for once shut the door on the world and indulge yourself, it is ok to do this, you should not feel guilty you need to do this and will actually be helping others as well as yourself if you do this recharge and then bounce back tomorrow with your happy face back, so do not punish yourself for needing a day off and do not feel guilty for looking after yourself first, a lot of us spend our whole lives putting others needs before ours and this is the body saying stop take a day off recharge or you will burn out

Now in order to reap the full benefits of this day off first like I said it has to be for you about you and no feeling guilty but almost as important is the healing process, now this may sound odd but do not scold yourself for feeling down because others have it worse, there will always be someone who has it worse and someone who has it better it doesn’t matter, because this day is about you not about whoever has worse problems and it is kind of wrong to say I don’t have A B or C wrong with me therefore I do not have the right to feel bad, stop, you do, we are not here to compare lives, that is their life not yours and you are not here to live their life for them, we are not here to show empathy right now, we are dealing with you and your problems and your need to take some time just for you, so in order to heal we do not look at other peoples lives we look to our own and find something within our own life that helps us heal,

now take the comfort cookie I have baked you first and here are the rules;- eat this comfort cookie ( by the way I really do make the very best comfort cookies in the whole world just ask my kids^_^) and all you have to do is with each mouthful you eat you have to think yeehar there are no calories in this comfort cookie , none, zip, zero, no calories in comfort cookies, this cookie is for me and each mouthful I shall savour each mouthful I shall chew slowly and close my eyes and just be at peace with myself, today is my day, this cookie is my comfort cookie, I shall not think of anything I shall stop the chatter of my mind with one image of the no calorie comfort cookie,

now take the comfort cake, and eat it, but as you eat this you must know this comfort cake does have calories, they are good calories, with each mouthful I count each calorie as a blessing and must think of one good thing in my life with each bite so first you have me (the glorious kezia lee mintra folks and there is only one of me) and better than that I am your adoring and dedicated friend so first mouthful chew, slowly, savour the taste and think of my friendship, always there for you day or night, you need me ring, email, get in touch, (as it happens he only lives on next street but for those of you doing this little exercise just go with the email thing ^_^ ) so second mouthful you have many good friends, again positive calories doing good, chew another mouthful, slowly and thoughtfully, third mouthful you are a good person, deep down you are good and deserving of this day person, because you are a genuinely good person, relax and enjoy the wonderful feeling of being you, a person that others love and care for, chew the mouthful, slowly thoughtfully and savour the taste of the cake and your being good and appreciate yourself, next you have your gorgeous tiny dogs – here for the those of you reading this you can obviously start to think of positive reasons about your life and simply go with that each time you eat a mouthful you must chew slowly and thoughtfully thinking of a new reason to feel good with each

as you come to the end of this day you take for yourself it is important to look back through it see what you have learnt see those good reasons you thought of and go to sleep and this is the real important bit get up the next day and carry on with your life, it doesn’t seem important does it but the key is yes we all deserve a day off now and then but the thing is it has to be just one day then the next day even if the fug is still there you must get up and get on with your life because if you don’t that’s when it all goes wrong, because one day off is good for you but indulge in more than that and the fug takes over, because to indulge in day for yourself is good but to indulge in more than one feeds the fug, remember the whole negative cloud of despair feeds off a mind that is shut away and not connecting, one day is good but essentially any more than that and you risk not being to see they way back, if it gets that bad that you cannot fight the cloud of despondency then you have a problem that needs help and that no amount of comfort cakes can help

some days descend on us and we want to shut the door on the world,this is ok, this is natural, some day we get to help others we get to throw them a rope and pull them up through the fug of despair

some days we need the rope throwing to us, when someone throws that rope catch and hang on for dear life

with this cake and cookie I am throwing you a rope use my friendship as the rope to pull yourself up out the pit,

of course at this point I ended the letter with always there for you and left him my love and phone number to ring should it all get on top of him

if you know someone who needs a comfort cake bake them one tell them the rules, or not if you don’t want to after all I only made them up on tuesday to help my friend ^_^

if you have no one to bake you a comfort cake bake one for yourself and again go through the whole I have reason to feel good because and list even the smallest of ideas, if you write then say I have dreams, I have ambition, I have talent, if you sing again ell yourself you have value, look for all those achievements from large to small, if you are a mum and I find this the greatest of all my achievements then go ahead tell yourself you are loved by your children, you are needed by them, you provide a home, a haven, food and drink and stories at bedtime and cuddles galore and the list is soon long enough to fill a book

go ahead, embrace your life, good days and bad days, learn to respond to each without any form of guilt or remonstrating, this is your day, you have your life and you need to embrace your human failings without feeling bad and your successes and embrace feeling good, and never tell yourself you have nor right to feel bad because someone else has it bad this is wrong you have the right and you have the opportunity to recognize that right and to recognize how to feel good because of your own reasons,

and yes it really is true there are no calories in comfort cookies – they are all in the comfort cake ^_^

love to all

xx

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6 responses

  1. Lovely my dear…and comforting too. xx

    1. aww thank my gorgeous mims i do worry about him though he has gone quiet since tuesday so i am worried this may have been a bit more than an off day, he is such a sweet guy fingers crossed i will see him tomorrow and he will be ok, sometimes it is hard to fight the mother in me and i would adopt everyone and feed them and pamper them, my oldest laughs at me for it and hubby gives me strict instructions to not come home with any strays human or animal ^_^ ahh well cannot deny who i am now can i ^_^ hope you are having a peaceful day my lovely hugs and love to you always xx

  2. You dearest one, are the friendship pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It warms my soul to know that your friend has you in his life…I send a silent but heartfelt prayer that you find him in good health and good spirits when next you meet. If not, then I know you’ll offer to help him seek help to find the light again, and when he does, I don’t think he’ll be surprised to find you in it. You are a blessing…xoxo

    1. aww thank you my wonderful rhinda thats such a lovely comment to read just as i go to sleep i shall finish the day on this note and enjoy some wonderful dreams, or some weird ones as is usually happening of late^_^ love and hugs to you my friend as always xx

      1. Just a side note….how did I miss the nom de plumme change Kezia? 🙂
        love and sweet dreams

      2. aahh tis only very recent yesterday or day before kezia is the proper name kizzy is shortened version but when i was doing my numerology the numbers were luckier if i used the full version so there we go full name kezia lee mintra, i got a tad excited about it and did my oldest daughter name too and strangely she didn’t want to change her name, some stuff about always having the name she was used to, i don’ know kids these days they are just not prepared to change their name at the drop of a hat , or because mum has mad ideas about numerology ^_^ hope you are having a lovely day my gorgeous we having a super nice half term week i swear i love school holidays more than the kids do ^_^ take care love and hugs to you always xx

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