Omy gosh it turns out that americans have invented people corn eeuuuwww hmm I really ought to explain because whilst funny at first your mildly confused faces are now looking quite distracted, so first off one thing you should know about me is I adore all things paranormal the whole shebang I love it, I will watch any and all paranormal stuff on the tv and my home is filled with books on the topic, so the other day me and my second daughter the thirteen year old, I mention her age and then you will understand why it is that I had to force her to spend time with me, good old quality mummy and me time, ugh hate that phrase, you either love your kids and let them do their thing and hope that it is a thing you get to be part of, or suffer the idea of having to tie them to chairs in order to spend time with them, nah I didn’t really tie her to a chair ^_^ honest, ^_^
so there we were happily watching/playing on a ds (which for those of you who don’t know it is a hand-held playing game kind of thing I sped a silly amount of money of tiny squares of plastic that are inserted into the ds game playing thing and woot hours of peace from children) so daughter child plays ds and I am watching some ghost telling story, close to telly eyes wide open and loving it and daughter chats about something, I respond, the usual routine you know, but then ghost story is visiting a field, yeah I know once you seen one field you seen them all right?
but apparently this field was different some time back in the olden days I don’t know about 1940ish there had been a nasty accident a plane had crashed and in their words – there was bits of bodies all over the place and just in case we still hadn’t quite understood the level of carnage they showed us an actual picture of a disembodied piece of someone’s leg, with a shoe on it, god knows where the rest of that poor person is well actually the rest of him is in the field,
so–here we are I am saying eeuuuw daughter is saying eeuuuwww and woot the programme gets even better the woman describes how after three days of picking up bits of body they finally got sick of doing that, well you would wouldn’t you, or if you are anything like me you would have promptly fainted at the bit of leg just as you uttered the words “it still has a shoe on” and faint, so their next plan of action was to simply bulldozer the whole field and put some fresh soil on top, yup that’s righty my friend they just mixed up the soil and bits of body and stuck some fresh soil on top and went off every singing about tomorrow being another day,
so you’re probably wondering where in my mad, sad, little brain did I come up with people corn? well as the camera which up until that point had been entirely focused on that woman being interviewed it now panned back and showed us the field in question as they were standing on it during said interview and……….
they were growing corn on it
the whole field
full of corn
see that to me means that there corn was fed on people thus people corn,
I know right
you have my permission to say euuuwww
another thing you need to know about me is I am a tad clumsy, yeah I know you’re thinking aww poor wee lamb all thinking she bin clumsy and all,which is nice of you and why do you sound like my aunty? but really I am, walking is not my strong point any more and seeing was never a strong point but lately , sigh, well lately, well let’s take yesterday for instance and at this point some of the men may want to look away, do some menly type things, I don’t know, ermm drink beer? lift weights? in my experience men sit at computers playing world of warcraft but feel free to improvise,
because this next bit is something only women will get, clumsy women, so I went to the loo- that’s english for toilet and no I have no idea why we call it a loo we just do is all, and this is the important bit I was wearing a dress, a dress that had some silly detail of a belt in the same material, I reckon the designer thought oh hey I am liking it but still I want to use more of this glorious material I could have a big flower nooo that wouold be overdoing it hmm I know a belt it will use up the last bit of material nicely, now mr designer or mrs I am not fussy, how I wish you hadn’t been so eager with your material usage, so you picturing the scene? I am on the loo, the less said about that the better, okaaaay business finished stand up and ooooohhh something wet flapped against my leg eeuuuw my belt had somehow dropped in the loo when I was sat there minding my own business and without my knowledge, yup the belt had slipped right in there so altogether now eeeeuuuuww wet belt against leg and now we all know what it is wet with,
yup I had to get changed again,
and no I am not going to supply a picture of me on the loo