some stuff about me4

car crash tv

okay the point  I am trying to make here is the thing I really don’t like is all those people who don’t have talent programmes, you know the sort –britains got no talent, america ‘s got no talent, so you think you can dance, basically any show which purports to show us some ‘real’ or ‘normal’ people and their absolute lack of talent, usually it is singing but once in a while they throw in a dancing programme, or sometimes we get the unmitigated joy of a bunch of people stuck in a house and apparently they have no talent, at all, between the lot of them, I not sure where big brother is going with that let’s face it is cringe worthy enough watching the talentless shows,

 

ooh let's all watch a bunch of people none of us know all sit around being bored hmm no even better let's sit around watching a bunch or wannabe celebrities getting bored, oh hang on was beckham ever in bb? he is probably the nearest they ever got to a celebrity if they did

ooh let’s all watch a bunch of people none of us know all sit around being bored hmm no even better let’s sit around watching a bunch or wannabe celebrities getting bored, oh hang on was beckham ever in bb?  if he was then that was probably the nearest they ever got to a celebrity

now forgive me my friends if any of these are your fave shows, my oldest loves them all, sigh, but to me they are just cruel, they are to me sacrifical lambs offered up to the god of saturday night entertainment, for the most of the episodes especially at the beginning of the series it is filled with a motley assortment of people of all ages and all types and the only thing these poor people have in common is the fact that not a single one had a relative, or a friend, or even just an acquaintance, good god the next neighbour could have had the decency to tell them, anyone anyone at all a random stranger who just had a kindly streak in them but for gods sake will, someone who loved them enough or just plain cared enough to tell them the truth, or even just cared enough to tell them not to do it because nearly all of the audience is there to laugh, both live audience and at home watching, there are times when I have entered the front room and the howls of laughter on both sides as some poor skinny fashionably and facially challenged person with no cor-ordination and not an ounce of singing talent is warbling away causing amusement nay merriment the length and breadth of the country, and this is why I call it car crash tv because it something you know you shouldn’t want to watch but it is so surreal you are captivated

okay I do accept some good comes of it some people have in fact earned a decent wage out of the show maybe not quite as decent as the shows hosts but still not to be sniffed at, I just would like it not to be at the expense of others,

see this guy? mr simon i pull my trousers all the way up past my waist fancy pants cowell no matter who good or bad at singing they are they will never earn as much as him so really the lesson here is pull your trousers up so high  no ermm not sure there is lesson here i reckon he was just a lucky t**t

see this guy? mr simon i pull my trousers all the way up past my waist fancy pants cowell no matter how good or bad at singing they are they will never earn as much as him so really the lesson here is pull your trousers up so high no ermm not sure there is lesson here i reckon he was just a lucky t**t

as to my own experience of singing well ho hum I would have gone down well in the beginning of the series ^_^ way back in the depths of time I was married to the first husband not the one I have now for those of you new to me -oh you poor things quick get out now while you still can, so I was young nineteenish or so and married to the first husband or the freak as I used to call and no it wasn’t a cool nickname or indeed any kind of compliment– so we had moved to amsterdam and we had no money, nowhere to live, nothing, it was quite an eye opening experience and no doubt formed a large part of who I am today but back then we were bloody starving- having no food for three days at a time will do that to a person, so starving nowhere to live etc etc and we could only come up with one thing- the freak had brought his guitar on the grounds that he could play some awful renditions of popular songs and hope that someone would recognise them, we had no other option so that was it; busking on the street, we managed a guilder or two and ate some food, not a lot but my god food tastes delicious when you haven’t had any for three days,

okay next day comes and the freak says “okay I can’t sing but then I am playing the guitar so let’s see if you can sing instead” no honestly he was quite serious when he said it,

I tried,

the godawful sound that emitted from my throat lead to a look of pure wonder from the freak, he wondered how in the hell anyone could make such a hideous noise and call it singing, his words went along the lines “okay you can hold the cap for people to put money in” well he would have said that if he had stopped laughing long enough to get any words out, but from that day I stood and smiled sweetly at anyone who would be kind enough to give us any money,

I do remember a lady coming up to us and saying “I won’t give you money you will use it on drugs” and I was horrified being as naive as I was at the time I didn’t realise this was the impression most people got from seeing someone busking on the street

“that is awful thing for you to say I will not use it for that I am just hungry and this is the only way of making money  I have right now I would gladly work if you know of a job anywhere” and her reaction to this was to take hold of my arm and walk me straight to the nearest sandwich place and she bought me a sandwich – it was lovely too

so there you go if you’re busking on the streets of amsterdam wear a sign round your neck stating what the money is for it saves a lot of misunderstanding ^_^

I did managed to get a job in the end and it was hard work but the first paycheck I got from the job was surreal; we had spent so long with no money and very little food- on some days the hare krishna people very kindly set up a little stall and cooked up some great tasting food; I was hugely grateful both then and now and I won’t hear a bad word said about them, in comparison the salvation army gave me a scarf in the winter- I was still grateful but it seemed a little pointless somehow a starving person whilst appreciating a scarf will always have the alternative offering of food- it’s a survival thing.

see even the hare krishna people are trying to get in on the whole singing thing well stop it you are much more appreciated when you feed starving vocally challenged people who have worked hard that day smiling at everyone in the hope of a guilder or two i wonder if they though they were paying me to smile or that if they paid me a guilder i would go away and smile at someone else hmmmm.......

see even the hare krishna people are trying to get in on the whole singing thing well stop it you are much more appreciated when you feed starving vocally challenged people who have worked hard that day smiling at everyone in the hope of a guilder or two i wonder if they though they were paying me to smile or that if they paid me a guilder i would go away and smile at someone else hmmmm…….

So back to the experience of the first wage I received it and walked out of the office and showed it to the freak ‘hey we got money’ I said please don’t bother asking why the freak couldn’t work he had this basic life theory of the world owed him you see and thus he would refuse to work he had it all clear in his head he argued something like he had some natural born right to a piece of land not in any real sense like he had bought it or been given it no his argument was that every man should have the right to a piece of land and because the government had taken away his right to a piece of land then he was refusing to work- yeah I know it didn’t make sense to me either, so there we were gazing adoringly at my hard earned money and obviously our first and only thought really was food as in let’s go buy some, sigh, okay so we went to the supermarket and we stood and looked, row upon row of shelves full of food, lots of it, food glorious food, I was overwhelmed, seriously overwhelmed, the long months of homeless starving had robbed me of any ability to choose some food, I kept looking and well I couldn’t make a decision I think my brain had snapped, too much choice? too hungry? I don’t know but after a while of staring at food in all it’s garish packaging I put my hand out and finally made a decision, I walked to the checkout point and grandly handed over some money for my little round Camembert cheese, yup that was it that’s what I had finally chosen, maybe I was suffering from shock or something but when I went outside I cried, not loudly, not so as anyone would hear just  a quiet trickle of tears as I walked through the streets of amsterdam clutching my Camembert cheese.

hey you know it was an emotional experience for me buying that cheese........

hey you know it was an emotional experience for me buying that cheese……..

 

another thing you should know about me is I hate sports- all forms of sports, I hate taking part, I hate watching it any of it, I hate reading about it, I hate it sport -shudders-

some would say that because I am a Sagittarius I should be a keen sports woman but then apparently I should be sociable and outgoing and neither of those statements is true either so I guess I am the worlds worst Sagittarius or the stars/astrology thing is crap, well at least when referring to me it is.

again you would think I would never say such a statement, knowing that my mother was a fortune teller, she read tarot cards for people and would draw up whole astrological charts for them as long as they crossed her palm with silver though she always preferred paper money than silver, and whittered on about some house being in the heavenly alignment of some other bunch of stars and rather than just look up at the night sky and say “oh what pretty twinkling arrangements of stars there are” would instead give all twinkly arrangements meanings and names and their own personalities she would probably have housed and fed them too except she was crap at housing or feeding anything,

but once again I have to say nope, I does not follow such deep and thoughtful naming of stars or giving them meanings or panicking about which position they happen to be in, I do read my daily stars,  I get them delivered in email but it’s more a form of entertainment and whatever they said I would enjoy or suffer that day is promptly forgotten within minutes of closing my email inbox.

anyway way back in part one I told you I do the feng shui in which I am a snake not some half breed human horse which cannot shoot an arrow for love nor money. I am liking being a snake and it does seem to describe me more accurately, after the basics of finding out what animal you are though the feng gets a bit complicated,suffice it to say snakes is cool^_^

and it didn’t mention sports anywhere ^_^

yay it's me ^_^ who ever heard of a sporty snake anyways that's just wrong that is

yay it’s me ^_^ who ever heard of a sporty snake anyways that’s just wrong that is

 

 

Seen as I am on pet peeves I may as well tell you about another -people who say it could be worse or those people who after having half listened to what ever tale of woe you are explaining then turn round and say well if you think that’s bad listen to what happened to me,

 okay in the first instance please don’t tell me ii could be worse my day is obviously gone pretty badly and when I am recounting said awful day what I am actually saying is oh heck I have had an awful day please give me some sympathy so when faced with someone who has had an awful time and looking for sympathy it is pretty crap to say oooh well it could have been worse, that is not sympathy that is an accusation it is saying stop whinging you can’t complain because you could have had a day from hell in which all your worst nightmares had come true because that has happened to some people you know and you stand there all whiny about a few bad occurrences, how dare you, how very dare you,

!

!

and in the second instance if once again I recount my awful day to say a so called friend and there response is oh well at least you didn’t have the kind of day I just had and then recount their even worse experience well basically that is what I call misappropriating my sucky day and my sympathy, which it is now plainly obvious I am not going to get, because friend you stomped all over my bad day with your worse bad day and ruined my sympathy time and worse I now have to show sympathy to you, so no

I said no

if you find a friend who has had a bad day then appropriate responses include sympathy, chocolate, or even biscuits or cake either or both of them, these all work much better than hijacking the sympathy or telling them they could have got worse

 

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