why do I write? some times I feel awful I read other authors who proclaim they simply have to write, often they will go so far as to say they would feel handicapped if the urge to write was denied them, I cannot claim any such higher calling, it is not something in my blood, or something which if I couldn’t do I would cease to exist as a person, I do like being creative and as such I think I was a natural born artist, I see everything in terms of art and if one such outlet for me creativity is denied then I will simply find another way of expressing my creativity.
writing I do enjoy most of the time but if it starts to feel like a chore, like something I have to do, then it is immediately rejected. I was born a rebel without a cause and willingly rebel against anything that is termed a chore, so often that my poor books suffer; I will not make myself sit down and write, if I feel like writing then I do it but only then, and to me all the other ways I have of expressing my creativity are equally as valid as writing, I do like to sit and paint, I like to sew, I like to sculpt and make tiny dolls, sometimes I make jewelry, to me my writing is simply another art form, I like words, I like playing with words, using them to paint an image, those rules they have for writing stories you know the ones show don’t tell, get rid of adjectives, cut out half of what you have written etc etc ad infinitum, ugh, I cannot stand to see such limits, such constraints and I like words, when I edit most editors would hate me I have never cut anything out and each time I edit I end up with more, more words and usually more adjectives ^_^ because I am painting a picture with words my stories are as they are meant to be, with many adjectives and all ^_^ to me writing is taking a blank canvas and painting on it with words as paint, or embroidery upon a blank cloth, I love to feel the layers as I write them, I love to add even the tiniest detail, and I love to stand back and view the whole project when I am done, in a similar vein I know a lot of authors quote music as their inspiration and much as I love my music it does not work that way for me, if anything I have to have it quiet if I am to write I cannot write with music distracting me, but pictures are different, I find all sorts of pictures are very inspiring, and one picture can in fact inspire a whole book for me, I am lucky a few people like the way I write and that makes me very happy, but I will break the rules, often quite deliberately and I will only write the way I want to and when I want to.
lately I have found myself in a very lucky position for the first time in my life, the first for 19 years, because that was when I began having children, so finally I have reached a happy place where all my children are happy with their niche in life, those three still at school I have managed to get them into schools that they are happy at and at a level they are happy at and the feeling is quite amazing, after the hell we have all been through it is fabulous to feel so happy,
so why do I tell you this? because dear reader I am thinking of going back to college, I am thinking of training to be a bereavement counselor, a lot of hard work I know but I feel an empathy and it is a situation I have personally experienced unfortunately a number of times and I am the sort of person who has to feel a sense of satisfaction in whatever work I do at the end of the day. The only way I get any sense of satisfaction is when I help people and this way I can help on a profound level and so this is what I am planning, so you see much as I enjoy writing I will never consider it my main role in life it is a hobby I enjoy, a way of expressing myself creatively and as such I do feel a bit bad when those other authors talk about how they will curl up and die if they can’t write perhaps I could counsel them on seeing a larger a picture ^_^